Monday, June 22, 2009

I'm back.

I need to start blogging again. People are too difficult to talk to and my psych was a wall.

So much has been going on. I've questioned my sexuality and practically fallen in love with one of my closest friends. Except, I don't think she's that close. We talk. Constantly. There was a point when if I didn't reply for more than ten minutes she would go crazy, but now...Now it's gotten to the point where she can't stand me. I shouldn't be surprised eh?

To top things off, people from my past are showing up. I don't know how I feel about that. I'm still trying to figure that out.

One more diploma left and then high school is over for forever.

I'm pretty sure I failed science 30. I didn't go to class for two months. Instead I spent most of my time drinking and lazying around. How the hell did I mess up so much???

I feel so overwhelmed. Left and right people are throwing my faults at me. Overwhelming. Pushy. Mean. Rude. Snobby. Selfish.

I've been crying nonstop. At work, during, after. I don't want to go through this again. This time, summer won't end by going back to school. This year, I'll have to find my own way to escape, and it can't be alcohol. friend and I are planning on getting high on Friday.

What am I doing with my life? And why do I still feel so alone?

1 comment:

~A-Lo~ said...

What's the point of getting high?
And school isn't over forever- don't forget summer school, and don't forget center high as well...A lot...A LOT of Ismaili's have gone to center high.

You are one who creates her own chaos- you knew what would happen if you skip or drink- so don't expect to find any pity, and if you want to change, you should nix the self pity as well.

As for people coming into and out of your life, just be careful. Go into interpersonal relationships with a clear conscientious and sincere intent and all will be fine. Just remember communication is the key.

Feeling alone when you're so overwhelmed and stressed is normal, but just know that you're not alone.

I'm glad you're blogging again, it's a great tool to use for self reflection as well as just plain venting...It also lets you put tabs on yourself as to what you're doing and how you're acting, reacting, behaving etc.

The truth is, you are in control of your own destiny- as repetitive and pathetic as it may sound.

The key is changing your thoughts and controlling your emotions. Easier said than done, but a work in progress if you truly want to go somewhere in this life.