fuck love

I remember when I used to crave wanting to go back. I thought everything would be alright. Things would be better.
When things became a bit like they were before, I blocked everything out. I wish I never remembered. I wish I didn't care. I was happy. After remembering and going back to all that, it scared me....

Fuck!
I'm a wreck right now. I'm bitching at everyone. I think I might've even lost her. I don't even feel bad. She's being so annoying and only says stuff that I want to hear. She cares too much. I can't have that. Not anymore. It hurts when people care too much. Cause when they leave, both of us will hurt.


I've been worrying about her too much lately. Its stressing me out. I don't want to tell her. I can't even tell her about my stuff.
I hate how overprotective I am of her. I know she'll hurt me again. Always does.


Mother dearest has officially given up on me. Its been a week. No calls...haven't even seen her. Karim said I can't even live with him. And Shemina doesn't want me either. I guess I'm not wanted here or there. Fuck! She always does this! I'm so tired of it! She'll come back. They'll break up and she'll come. My grandma can't say anything and as for me, well, I don't have a choice in the matter.
She honestly thinks that I don't care about any of it. She thinks I've never wanted a father. I have. I want a daddy too. One that'll tuck me in at night and hug me goodnight. One that'll spoil me like crazy but also yell at me when I'm being an idiot. But its too late for all that. She can't expect me to accept her boyfriend. I'm not ready to let another person in. The people I have in my life right now are enough. I'm even tired of some of them.