=[

I miss her I miss her I miss her!

Its been exactly a year since we last talked. Fuck! A YEAR! Feels like a lifetime ago.
I miss them both actually. I wish they didn't have to leave. This is why I don't get attached to people a lot. I don't want to go through the same thing.

I saw her last month and we both started crying. She looked happy. But she still misses him. I hate him for that. I don't want to fight with him over that again though. It's hard not talking to him.

She I see every day at school though. I'm starting to forget her, but there are still times when I really wish I could talk to her. Things are always so blah.

=[

btw, I might be changing my blog name...well, if I can think of something.

Funny how I want some people so badly, yet I try my hardest for them to hate me. And then I feel bad. I'm such an idiot.
I'm back to missing them and to wanting...
I KNOW! I'm an idiot! But I can't help it! Maybe its because I haven't seen him in so long. Or because she likes him and everyone talks about him so much. Maybe I don't want to move on. Fuck! [If you're reading this, don't let it go to your head!..You're still a dick!]

kuro thio!!!

ok
so
3am...alishah hears a huge bang upstairs
8am...alishah hears another big bang9am...alishah hears banging and screaming
10am...a million phone calls, ppl coming over, ppl crying
-alishah shouts and tells ppl to shut up and let her sleep-
11am...alishah hears someone saying "she died"
11:15...alisha hears everyone leaving and she thinks "shukar now i can sleep"
12:00...shemina calls "im coming over"
12:30ish...kamru and salima come "wheres ma?" me: i have no idea "haya. ok bye"

I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON!!! :omfg:

If someone died, I don't want to know. I can't deal with people crying.

Mr Walia darlinn...aach muji paase

Hai Ram!

Look at my Ramu! Ketlo sexy ai

:(
Mujhi chaddhi wet ai. *blush* Damn! This man is just too hot!

Alishah Jai Walia

*sighh*

Oprah...

I'm watching Oprah right now. It's about High School and the challenges faced by teens in American schools.

WOW! Is all I can say.

I've always known the problems that go on, but actually seeing it is a whole different story. It saddens me how sterotypical we all are. Did you know that in a few years all of us will have kids and will pass it all on to them. They will be going through the same things. The hurt, the teasing, the bullying, ect. If we don't change ourselves, then we will just be condemning the future people to the same thing. Do any of you really want others to go through the same thing you've been through?

I honestly think that we all need to stop judging and look beyond the labels. Looks should not matter.

I know I've judged others. I've felt bad right after I do it, yet I still do. Perhaps to fit in, make others laugh, or just because it seemed to start a conversation.

I suppose what a lot of us don't understand is that even something which we take to be a joke can hurt others. I know that a lot of jokes have hurt me, even if it was done unknowingly.

So for all of you reading this, let's all try to look beyond the physical and get to actually know a person. Every joke, "look," and rude comment puts more pressure on someone. It makes them want to be better and even a tiny setback could put them in a state of utmost depression. What you are right now, is what you'll be for the rest of your life.

BTW, for any of you who can watch Oprah today, please do. It's really good.

Religion should not matter

"The gaurds were Shia and Saddam was Sunni."

Fuck!! Why is it that when thee is a Muslim involved, people immediately bring up religion. You don't hear anyone saying the peron's religion if he is Chritian, Buddhist, Hindu, or anything else. Why can't people see that before being anything else, a person is a human first. The same as you and me. Ignore religion, a person's choices have nothing to do with what they are. Every individual is different. What they do or say depends on their views on things.

So stop judging people based on their religion if you want there to be any ounce of peace in the world.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!!!

2007 is finally here! Leaving behind a year that was full of cries, laughter and everything in between. I remember when everyone was making such a fuss about the millenium, and now here we are 7 years later. These last 7 years were years to remember for me. I became weak, stronger and learnt a lot. I met tons of new friends, but I also lost many. Still, each moment-memory-was something to learn by. I might not have remembered everything, but I do remember that no matter what happens in life, Mowla will always be there.

Thank you Mowlabapa for helping me through the last year and all the years before that.

And thanks to all the rest of the people in my life who were always there.

AM I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so much!

AR you brought laughter in my life that was muchly needed. Love you always!

fuck love

I remember when I used to crave wanting to go back. I thought everything would be alright. Things would be better.
When things became a bit like they were before, I blocked everything out. I wish I never remembered. I wish I didn't care. I was happy. After remembering and going back to all that, it scared me....

Fuck!
I'm a wreck right now. I'm bitching at everyone. I think I might've even lost her. I don't even feel bad. She's being so annoying and only says stuff that I want to hear. She cares too much. I can't have that. Not anymore. It hurts when people care too much. Cause when they leave, both of us will hurt.


I've been worrying about her too much lately. Its stressing me out. I don't want to tell her. I can't even tell her about my stuff.
I hate how overprotective I am of her. I know she'll hurt me again. Always does.


Mother dearest has officially given up on me. Its been a week. No calls...haven't even seen her. Karim said I can't even live with him. And Shemina doesn't want me either. I guess I'm not wanted here or there. Fuck! She always does this! I'm so tired of it! She'll come back. They'll break up and she'll come. My grandma can't say anything and as for me, well, I don't have a choice in the matter.
She honestly thinks that I don't care about any of it. She thinks I've never wanted a father. I have. I want a daddy too. One that'll tuck me in at night and hug me goodnight. One that'll spoil me like crazy but also yell at me when I'm being an idiot. But its too late for all that. She can't expect me to accept her boyfriend. I'm not ready to let another person in. The people I have in my life right now are enough. I'm even tired of some of them.

Fuck!
She worries me so much.
When we were talking, I worried about her. And when we didn't talk, I still worried. I just want her to be happy, but nothing ever seems to work. She's been so distant from everyone. I wouldn't even mind if she talked to other people, but she's not.
Sometimes I feel that if I talked to her like before, made plans for a sleepover or something, then perhaps the old her would come back.

Goddamnit! I hate how I care more about her happiness then my own.
I woke up this morning really happy, but as soon as I went on nex and read people's blog...I felt blah. A and her both seem like there's something wrong. But neither of them ever tell me what it is. I've given up trying to ask them.
Funny how I was so jealous when they were best friends, but now I'd give anything for them to have that again.

:(

So, a friend and I are having a conversation about guys.
Do they really feel things? It seems like females are the only ones who get hurt and feel as deeply about things. And if males do feel the same, then perhaps they cope better.
I wish I knew how their minds worked.

*sigh*

Boy...

When I look into your eyes

I see sumthin’ that money can’t buy

And I know if you give us a try

I’ll work harder for you boy

then you ever had a chance to find

The boyfriend is coming tonight. Went out and bought a ton of chocolate. I'll need as much as I can get. Ugh! Stupid mother!...Major stress factor in my life. Remind me never to have kids. I'll get even more stressed than I do with mummy.

Blogging sucks. There's nothing to write about.

Hhmm, Christmas tomorrow.

What exactly is the point of Christmas? Most people only celebrate it for the presents. You spend money, get gifts you might not even like, then forget all about it until next year.
Joy!

Ack!

I'm so blah today. I miss my chodu!(Sorry for stealing your word lish)

15 days till school!!!

I can't wait!!!

:D

&& its hard to wait around for something that you know might never happenbut its even harder to give up when you know its everything you want

ugh!

Things were finally going good with me and her. We talked...and things kind of seemed like before. And that scared me. I don't want things to be exactly like before. I hate living with that fear that she'll do it again. Perhaps that's why I say things I don't mean. To let her know that things will never be the same. I know she's changed, but that fear hasn't gone away.

Then there's A who is a bit jealous of her because she means so much to me. I think A is scared that she will steal me away from her. (does that even make sense?!? I hate not being able to use names!)

AAAHHHH

I got so much chocolate!! Mummy and I went shopping twice this week...before school. And we bought tons and tons of chocolate. I got her to give her share to me cause her boyfriend is coming and I'm sure she doesn't want to look fat for him. lmfao.

I really need to write in my blog more often. Screw laziness. ahah.

Winter break...sucks!

:(

Kuthro kidanjo! 2 weeks vaste inke neh nara...ghandsaf better miss me.

:P

So confusing!!

AAAHHH!!
Why in the world are guys so confusing???

Does anyone know how to tell if a guy likes you???
Be specific please!! I'm tired of hearing that they flirt and touch you a lot...because I do that with almost every guy so I'm sure guys do that with random girls too.

you only hurt the ones you love

Everyone has secrets, things they are afraid to tell others. As frightening as some may be to share, sometimes you need to. It might hurt the other person, but its better to tell them yourself than to have them find out on their own or through other people.

There is one person in my life who finds it easier to hide stuff from me than to face my anger and hatred. We both know what my reaction will be, but it's their duty to involve me in issues such as this.

I know we'll never have the sort of relationship that others have, but perhaps one day we will. Until then, I need to know that it's ok for me to sort things out for myself....without you. With you, my reason for living becomes jumbled.

just give me some time, I'll adjust to your life

stupid birthdays...

What's so great about birthdays anyway? Its just a day. Nothing special ever happens. You look the same...feel the same.
UGH!
I hate birthdays. Its the stupidest day ever. Even stupider than Valentine's Day.

Been sitting infront of the computer the whole day with not a single phone call. Only 3 people remembered.
The one person I was hoping to hear from hasn't called or emailed. No point in waiting. As usual...this day is the awkwardest.

I absolutely hate sexist people. My family is the most sexist family ever!!
Apparently I can't watch hockey anymore because its a "guy" sport and girls aren't supposed to watch it-only guys are.
I guess Karim is gay, since he doesn't watch it.
Fackk! I have the fuckiest relatives! I hate them with a passion.
That brings me to my next point:
How do you know if you actuay love your family. They are the people you've been around since you were born, but how does it turn into love? What if its only an attachment to those people? Being around them all day, perhaps its become a habit of some sort. And when one of those people leave, we cry and get depressed because something from our daily lives changes.
I know from personal experience that whenever I say "I love you" to anyone in my family, I don't feel anything. Is it just me? Am I just that selfish that I don't even love my own family?
But then again, what is love? Does anyone really know? Is it just a feeling of deep affection for someone? or something someone made up to make it seem like us humans aren't as bad as we seem?
I hate this. Its bugging me so much.

I wish I could talk to her about it...about anything. I miss her so much.
Perhaps that's what love is. Missing someone so bad that all you want to do is curl up and cry forever. But I don't think that's love either. Because if it were love, then it would be strong enough that the other person wouldn't leave.
Everyone leaves...eventually.
Whether that be a day, or a week, or a year...they do leave.
In my opinion, its easier if a person dies. At least they have a reason to not be there. And it won't hurt as much. Because you could make yourself believe that if they were alive they would be with you.

stressfulll muchh??

I've come to the conclusion that hockey is VERY STRESSFUL!
When I have 8 cups of coffee....that's when you know something is VERY wrong! Damn!
I love the game...but frick!...I hate o/t and s/o.
Oh! Btw, for those of you who don't pay attention to hockey, the Oilers won 4-3 against the Red Wings in a shootout! Awesome game!!

I shall start updating on Oiler games hee as well. Already doing it on my nex blog. LOL.

Anyway, I'm extremely tired.

Love ya all,

MEEEEE!!!

gyhghjg

It's ironic how the things you've left behind still come back to haunt you.

I keep stressing about my marks. They are so fucking low! Goddamnit!
67% in English
70% in Social
76% in Science
92% in Math
It's practically killing me inside. I haven't gotten lower than 75 since grade 2. I know all my stuff, but when it comes to doing my homework or studying, I see the computer, or the TV, and just succumb to one of them. I hate it so much!
So, I got one of my friend's to change my nex password and not tell me until the end of November.
I'm going to try living my life with just msn. If that doesn't work, then I'll get my password changed for msn as well. I really need to get my marks up. Now, I just need to work with my TV schedule. Damnnn!! As if the computer thing wasn't hard enough.

Alright so:
Monday: 2 brown shows=1hour
Tuesday: Gilmore Girls only=1hour
Wednesday: One tree Hill and 1 brown show=1hour 30min
Thursday: The O.C. only=1hour
(If hockey game, then watch only game...download show on weekend)
Total hours per week: 4hours 30min

Hahaha!! I love making up schedules and shit that I know I'll never follow. Meh! At least it makes me feel organized and shit.
LOL

The whole day today I've been humming the Trojon Condomn commercial theme. dayummm! It's so addicting. =[

frickin IB

Piece of advice to you all: Do Not Take IB!
It sucks! The teachers expect you to be brilliant. Asking questions will usually get you the "you-are-stupid" look.
Not to mention that the Math Portfolios suck! They barely teach it to you. The questions are bullshitty and I hate it!
fackkk

kk...gots to go back to the game. Even though we're losing by 2. 2-0.
dayummm we suck

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T!!!

Edmonton Oilers coach Craig MacTavish was fined $10,000 US Saturday by
the NHL for criticizing referee Mick McGeough for a blown call in the Oilers'
3-2 home loss to the Dallas Stars on Friday night.


"The NHL
acknowledges the fact that referee Mick McGeough made the wrong call on a play
late in the game, which he later admitted to the media following the game,"
director of hockey operations Colin Campbell said in a release.
"While the
NHL regrets the missed call, Craig MacTavish's comments after the game regarding
the call were totally inappropriate and crossed the line."
McGeough waved off
what would have been a game-tying goal by the Oilers' Ales Hemsky with 4.1
seconds left. The referee blew his whistle just before Hemsky put the puck in
the net after deciding Edmonton centre Shawn Horcoff had made a glove pass off
the preceding faceoff. Replays, though, showed no such infraction.
Speaking
to reporters after the game, MacTavish lambasted McGeough for the call and for
delivering it in the referee's familiar animated fashion.
"It was a retarded
call," MacTavish snapped. "There is no other explanation for it. I know he is a
veteran official and at times I have found his antics humorous. But if this is
the product of that, there is a problem.
"It was a ridiculous call. I had no
idea what he had called. Nobody saw the hand pass on the play because quite
clearly there wasn't one. It's beyond reason.
"He should be
suspended."
McGeough's ruling also inflamed the Edmonton crowd, which
littered the ice with debris, some directed at the officiating crew as it headed
for its dressing room.

FACK!!!
"It was a retarded call."
What the hell did he say wrong? It's facking true!!! Shouldn't Magoo get fined? He lost us a game!! We definately would have won...but nooo...that fucking bastard..! I swear he had a thing against the Oilers! He called it right away...without even looking! OPEN YOUR FRICKIN EYES BASTARD!!
Whatever! I'm glad someone had the guts to badmouth the goo. That was the most fucked up game ever! First the refs don't call the first Dallas goal which should have been goalie interference! And they call the Edm goal which was not a glove pass!

"It was a blown call on my part," McGeough said after the game. "It was poor judgment on my part. I thought he had his hand on the puck on the faceoff but it was his stick. My judgment was poor on the play."

Poor judgement my ass!