Another name change

I started off with...God I can't even remember. Then changed it to nostalgicnomad. And now...nostalgic-rambler

My room feels empty. I got rid of all my posters and the dozens of pictures on my mirror. There's nothing. I have a few teddy bears left. That's it.

I don't have a picture on facebook. I changed my blog title. It feels different-like a new start.

I was upstairs about 30minutes ago, shaking and crying, while coloring the back of the newspaper black.

My aunty stood right behind me the whole time, on the phone. I didn't want to turn around and go downstairs to my room. My nose was running and I looked like shit. So I waited until she got distracted then bolted downstairs.

The second I got comfortable in my bed, the phone started vibrating. At first I didn't recognize the number. It turned out to be my other aunt.

The first thing I said to her was, "Did Bina tell you to call?" She laughed a bit and said, "no why would she? Is something wrong?"

I managed to divert the conversation away from that.

I know "Ageless" told her to call. Why would she otherwise? She was busy watching her soaps, and she's like me, she doesn't like to be distracted while watching TV.

This made me frustrated. If you're going to go through all the trouble of getting someone else to find out if I'm OK, why not just do it yourself?

I went on facebook to see if she'd message me. She signed on right then too. Nothing. She kept coming down, looking at me, then going back up.

I hate her for it. I hate her for always being the one to notice.

I hate myself more though. Why wouldn't I?