Friday, September 29, 2006

HB

Happy Birthday.

I know I wont be able to say it to you, however much I wish to. I always thought that I'd always wish you and send you flowers, but I never imagined you to move away.
I hope you had a great day. I miss you.

Love,
Alishah
(L)

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Hellooooooo

I haven't written in forever!!! I'm sooo busy lately that I don't even have time to read...or go on the comp!
Anyway, here's a bit of whats going on:

-I joined the fitness center at school. I actually work out now! yayay! LOL
-I tried quitting my job but I felt bad because I realized that if I quit than they wont have anyone to do that job! So...I decided to stay for another month. Zut! lmfaooo
-I tried fasting...Kept it for half aday. Then tried giving up chocolate, coffee, and fast food. Lasted a day!
-I haven't been able to watch any of my shows for two weeks!
-Me and Karim haven't talked for a week....I miss himm. *blush*
-Ever since I started working out, I gained 5pounds. I don't think the whole "working out" thing is working for me!
-I think I'm pms-ing a week ahead. Is that normal??? *confused*
-Oh...and I went to my first ever hockey game. Wow! How sad. It was my FIRST! eeekk. Hopefully not my last. Although I think it will be. I'm soo broke and busy. lol.

Hmm. I think there's more that happened, but I can't seem to remember. Kay, so, I had to write this in 7min. I'm going to go shower, then sleep cause I have to wake early tomorrow to study!
I hate school!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Muslims...

I was talking to one of my mum's co-worker's a few days ago. He had recently come back from Dubai and I asked him how Dubai was. He replied by talking of the slave labor. Then he made a comment which really disturbed me. His comment was: Those Muslims don't know how to treat people.

This really upset me. Firstly, he had no right to generalize that all Muslims are at fault. Perhaps it was a few, but not all. It would have been alright to say "Some people in Dubai don't know how to treat others." Has the media influenced us that much that we've forgotten that we are humans first, and then our ethnicity comes into play. Why don't we discriminate when it comes to other people. For example, when the Pope gave that speech, why did we not say that all Christians were rude? Why is it that if a person does something and is a Muslim, it becomes a big deal, but if someone else does the same thing and they are a non-Muslim, it is brushed off? In the end, it comes to the conclusion that both those people are human. Their background shouldn't matter.
I remember a few years ago, when 9/11 occurred, a non-Muslim murdered someone, they thought he was Muslim. The headlines reported that perhaps it was a terrorist attack. However, when it was proven that he wasn't, the headlines immediately said: Depressed/Suicidal man...
This goes back to one of my previous posts when I said that a terrorist is a person who terrorizes a place/person. A terrorist cannot be defined as a Muslim.
So, I come to my conclusion: Please do not assume that all Muslims are evil. Many of us are just innocent bystanders who are victims of circumstances. The same way some people ruin the image of America, or any other place, we have a few people ruining the image of Islam.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

9/11

I know this is a bit late but I forgot to post it until today. I've had no time to go on the comp. Sorry...

Today is the fifth anniversary of that terrible day which changed the world. I still remember that day. I was in grade 5. I was walking to class and Jessica ran up to me and screamed out "The Twin Towers just collapsed! Two planes...omg!" She, like many of us at that age, didn't understand the seriousness of the situation. I ran home that day at lunch, and found my family sitting infront of the T.V. watching the events take place. The tragedy that took away more than a thousand people and tore apart families still sticks vividly in many of our minds. Nine years old, I thought this whole thing was exciting. I watched the news every day for a week. Slowly, I forgot about it.

Now, five years later, watching the same even occuring on tv stations, I feel sad. Sad for both sides. America lost hundreds of innocent citizens that day, and the other side had to face a war. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. I guess that was the case with Afghanistan and America. I'm still not sure who started it all. "Bin Laden" wouldn't have killed millions for no reason. There's a reason for everything. Background info is the most important in making decisions and sadly we don't have that.

However, whatever the circumstances, the 9/11catastrophe that struck New York was a terrible day. Mothers and fathers lost their children, children lost their parent(s), loved ones were gone. All they were left with are bittersweet memories. And to that, I bow my head and pray for the ones who were affected personally by this disaster.

It doesn't even feel like 5 years. It feels like yesterday that it happened. The chaos...it was bizarre. Yet at the same time, so much has happened. Maybe, the coming years will become better. Perhaps the wars will lessen and we'll learn to forgive and not to fight back. Like I said before, An eye for an eye, makes the whole world blind.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

All coming back

Last night my mother hit me after eight months. She's been threatening to do it a lot lately. It wasn't the hit that hurt me, it was that just one touch brought back everything I was trying to hide. It all just came back to me. Or maybe it started at the party. Either way, I feel it coming back. I wish I never went. I wish I could hide in my room for the rest of my life. But no, that wouldn't be safe either, at least not in my family. I hate what those years did to me. 2 years which left a scar in me forever. I still remember those days. I was so afraid of everything. No one realized anything till I burst. I hated my family for that. I guess a part of me always will. They yell at me sometimes for not being a good daughter, granddaughter, neice, ect. But can they really blame me? All I get from them is lectures on how I'm the worst person ever, how they wish they had someone else. And when its not that, then its buying me stuff.

I used to pray so much for all the people who hurt me. I prayed for their happiness and I prayed that none of them would have to go through what I did. I know it probably doesn't seem like much...losing someone, but really, from experience, I can say its the worst thing ever. I rather be hurt physically than emotionally. The isolation, the crying, the looks you get from the people. It al cuts deep in your soul and then, there comes a day when Fate decides to help you, and sends someone to help you. But thats not enough. Because the scar is always going to be there. If you're not careful, it'll come back. It'll open and you'll realize that there is no way to hide from it. So, in the end, you walk around with a smile on your face, convincing yourself and othes that you're alright, when in reality, all you want to do is cry underneath your blankets with the doors locked.

I can't ask Mowla for help. Because the only thing I need from Him is help to get into uni. Its so important to me. The only thing I'm sure about. The only thing that keeps me sane.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

jgfhgbujhkn

I miss her so much right now. I'm always thinking about her-every second. But right now...its more than usual. Maybe its the night, or maybe something else, I don't know.

At the party, I felt so out of place. I knew all the people, but I was still shy. I wanted to have fun...laugh, talk...but I couldn't. I kept thinking about her, or last year. I really need to get over both things, but they've become a part of me. The more I try to forget, the more I remember.

I miss talking to her, hearing her response to things, making her laugh. She was all I had. I don't think I've felt a biger shock in my life than when she left. Everyone thinks I've forgetten her, and they are all happy to know that. Little do they know that everything I do is controlled by her. She's like my conscious. I started talking more, going out, and opening up more because I know that she would have wanted me to. But now, I don't even know her. She's a memory. If she came to me now, we wouldn't even be able to talk. I don't remember what we talked about, but I do remember some significant moments. My favorite, the one that stands out the most is when she was sitting alone after a bad day, and I sat beside her even though we weren't on good terms, and I gave her kleenex and stayed by her until she was alright. We never talked though, and I liked that the best.

I hate how if I have "them" then I start missing her even more. Is it wrong for me to want both them and her? I treated her like shit. People kept confusing me. They said that she doesn't care. That she only talked to me because of him. And it pissed me off even more when I emailed every day, and I never got a reply. After I lost her, I realized how wrong I was, but by then it was too late.

Today was just a weird day. I've been noticing that we all have changed so much lately. Its like the older we get, the further apart we are. I hate that so much because we've spent forever with each other. I really don't want us to seperate. I love them all soo much. specially the one I've known since I was 5. We get into so many fights, but we can never stay mad at each other for more than a day. I was so worried about her, she looked so blah at cec.

I'm just glad I now know how important these people are in my life before I lose them.

Blog???

What exactly is the point of having a blog? Is it to write down things that interest you, the political world, issues that surround the world, or...about whatever you want? This has been bugging me so much. I keep thinking I'm writing stuff that shouldn't go on a blog. I bet some of the people who read my blog are probably thinking "Who in the world is this Alishah person? She's weird."
So, if any of you know what should go on a blog...please let me know.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

aw


when the tears come s t r e a m i n g down your face, when you lose something you can`t replace .when you love someone, but it goes to waste . could it be worse ?high up above or down below, when your too in love to let it go .if you n e v e r try you`ll never know . . .just what you`re worth

High School

First day of high school wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I guess going to a new place always makes a person nervous...or is it just me??

Anyway, I found my classes in time, with a bit of some help from people. However, when it came time to go to my computer class, I totaly freaked out. There were two sides and I didn't know which one to go to. So, I asked one of the teachers and he told me I was to stay in the side I was on, so I did. Fuck! Turns out I was sitting on the wrong side the whole time. My teacher-the one I was supposed to be with-was so pissed. Not my fault though!! Ugh! I want to change that course! I hate computer classes.

The rest of the day went alright I suppose. My plan: eat lunch with my "friends," other than that, I won't be doing much socializing.

High school just started, and I already hate it. I can't wait till the summer!