*her*

I'm extremely happy yet sad at the same time.
I didn't know how much I missed her until I saw her today. It's been a almost a year since I saw her, and more than2 years since we actually talked.

I don't know what to say about it.

She's leaving. Not that I'm surprised-she lives there now. But still, having her back...I've thought about her every single day...prayed that she's happy. Seeing her, at first I was sad and mad. I wanted to cry. I didn't know what to do since the last time we talked I said some nasty things to her. Rude things which I regretted.

I feel like an idiot. I'm supposed to be past all of this. I'm supposed to not feel anything. But I still love her so much. She was everything to me...and still is. The one person who knew everything about me. The one who would forgive me for everything and anything and always kept me going.

I wish we could've talked for longer. But I guess I'll just have to live with what I had today.

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Very High

The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com

I haven't written in over a week.
Not much to write about. My life is so boring right now. Well, I got asked out by this freaky kid at work. Kept saying how pretty I was and how stupid other guys are that they haven't asked me out yet. Dear lord! Such rubbish!
Anyway, I could go into more detail about how screwed up I'm becoming, but I can't talk about it.
lol.

Luv,
Meee!!!

I'll try to add a picture or something tmr.

Aw!!!!

BeBo134- Online
-Age 15,
Female
Do you Realize?..how long we've been friendsDo you Realize?...we
havent always stayed tightDo You Realize?...just exactly how deep our friendship
actually runsDo You realize?..no matter how pissed off we get,it never endsDo
you realize?...you've always forgave me no matter whatDo you realize?...you're
changine,and Ima love you for itDo you realize?...exactly how much shit we been
throughDo you Realize?...how much you mean to meDo you realize?..you mean so
much that I took the time to write this for youDo you Realize...you drive me
insane,but I fuking love you

I love this girl!! She's my bestest. Always been there...and I know she always will be!!

I wish I could tell her how much she means to me. I can't though...because I haven't been the type to express things like that.

Funnies!!!

Today I laughed like a maniac. Here are some of the funny things that happened (probably not in chronological order):


-My friend Alison likes this guy..Omar. So shes like "I get to see someone today. guess who is it..the first 2 guesses dont count. so I was like "Omar Omar...those don't count..BEN!"

-i was in the changerooms for the fitness centre and i was looking in the mirror and smiling and i made a weird noise LOL...then i hear the same noise like realli loud and it was longer...and i thought my friend kate did that(she was in the bathroom ) so i was like "omg kate what are u doing in there?"


-kay..so it goes all quiet and then i hear some guy make a moaning sound it and sounds like its coming from near us so we run to the showers and hide and kate is like "be quiet...he's horny..he'll rape us!" and it was really loud


-Alright so then...we go looking for alison after we changed and we start running around the whole school cuz no one was there and then i kate touches me and im like "omg kate! not right now...wait till we're in bed" and then some guy shows up and i was like "shit! do u think he heard me..." and kates like "damnit alishah...ppl arent suppoised tro know bout us!" so we look at the guy again & the poor guy heard.


we're walking up the ramp and im like "omg omg look...BLACK GUYS!" and they heard so kate hit me and is likew "ur gunna get us beat up." so i shut my mouth and try not to laugh...the guys walk by and one guy is like "hey look its ur gf" oter guy says "no way man" some other guy says " u wish she were" me n kate nvr heard amd alison was telling us bout it after we went past them and when she said "look its ur gf" i was like "HE WAS TALKING BOUT ME!"

-We are working out and I go on the bikes. Alison goes on the treadmill and Kate goes home. The bike is going too fast for me so I said: "OMG Alison! This is too fast! How do you slow it down?" Two black guys are on the bikes beside me and start laughing. I turn to them and say "Are you laughing at me?!" They nod and I give them a bad look. They tell me to look at them and they start going super fast. I get off the bike and see Alison and Kristen(the trainer) laughing their asses off.

After our workout, Alison stops outside the fitness centre to get a drink and one those car-washy things is driving by abd I have my back turned to it. I push the button on the vending machine and it beeps and I freak out and look at Alison and she says "What are you looking at me for? The janitor is honking the horn at you."

OH DEAR LORD
Please tell me why I'm such an idiot.
So many more funny things happen today. I can't type it out right now because I'm too busy laughing. LOL

Why is it that every time I come home in time for Passions everyone on it is always having sex?!?! Don't the producers have a better storyline than whose fucking who?? ugh! Srsly...this isn't healthy for those lonely people who have nothingbetter to do than watch these stupid soaps(aka ME!). What a screwed up way to make a lonely person feel even more lonlier!

Every since I joined the fitness centre at school (Sept 11, one month ago) I've only gone twice! Twice in a whole month! And then there are my friends who go every morning and after school. It makes me feel so fat...so instead of working out, I go buy more chocolate! Fuk

OMG!!! THOSE LOOK SOOOOOOOO GOOOD!!!!

ugh

OMG
There is something seriously wrong with me...or perhaps its the influence of a certain someone(lol).
I keep thinking of men. All men, any man, random men! Not normal!! And...its not only thinking about the men...I go into detail(if you know what I mean).
Holy shit!
I'm so deprived!

Oiler Update

Ok, so I just realized that I never updated on the first game of the season.
Obviously, my boys won!!
Although there were a bit too many penalties-for both teams. I'm really hating how strict the referees are being.

The second game-today-started off pretty good. My boy Lupul got the first goal. Then stupid Yelle got a goal in the last 8secs. UGH!

Oh well, that was only the first period. I'll update more while the game is going on.




Ok...so we sucked!
2-1
Not a bad loss...but still.

My fav Budha Call ...LOL

Ok. So I'm feeling much better than I was a few hours ago. Talks with my favoritest person always helps bring up my mood. Anyway, she sent me this: \

http://a1135.g.akamai.net/f/1135/18227/1h/cchannel.download.akamai.com/18227/podcast/PHOENIX-AZ/KZZP-FM/snake-dontusethemouth.mp3

Check it out. Its hilarious.
Perhaps it'll help you if you're down.

so tired of my life

It bugs me so much that my "family" expects so much from me. My mother expects me to accept all her boyfriends. I don't get told by her. For example, this weekend she went to her boyfriend's place. I wasn't told about it. I had plans, which I told her about weeks ago, and yet she didn't even find it important to tell me to call them off. My grandmother just told me why she went. Mother dearest is planning on getting engaged...possibly get married this weekend. I wasn't told about it.

God! I just can't deal with this.

Feelings

Sometimes its hard to sort out your thoughts. So difficult to put into words what you're feeling. You want to share, to let it out, but in doing so you need to know your feelings. You need to know yourself in order to let others into your thoughts.

Its like a piece of you that's always changing, hiding, waiting for you to put into words. And by the time you do understand, its gone. And to recapture that feeling, that moment, it almost seems impossible.

Hearing another person phrasing their own feelings and it relating to your own circumstances, it helps you connect. But that rarely happens. Most times, we're left to deal with things ourselves cause most of us have learned that trying to explain it makes no difference.

Letting people in when we know its not right. Pushing others away because you're afriad of what will come out of it. Just some examples of how everything always plays into what you know. What you want, need, how you feel. Asking other people's opinions is an easier way out of things. Usually its not what you would like, its just a way to make life more simple.

Following other people, you know that whatever the result, you can blame them. Yet, when you follow your own advice, and things go wrong, you're left by yourself. Because its times like those that everyone leaves. Not because you want them to, or because they want to, but they leave because you can't relate to them. You can't describe to them what it is that's gone wrong.

Even while writing this, I couldn't exactly describe what I wanted to. I started off with something else, and went into another thing. I guess that's why humans are the most confusing and interesting creatures. We have feelings. Feelings that are unique to each individual. And to explain it, and recapture it for another is the most difficult thing to do.

Every day, there's only one person I think about. Every day, ever hour, ever minute, every second-only you. I hate that. I don't want to live every moment of my life thinking of that person. I want those happy moments that I can enjoy wholeheartedly. Am I jinxing my future? I hope not.

Anyway, as usual, I've been very emotional the past few days. This girl and I have stopped talking and surprisingly, I don't feel anything. I'm not mad or sad, or happy for that matter. However, I do miss my ex-best friend. Being around her so much has made me so grumpy. I keep hurting. And its the angry kind of hurt. I feel like hurting her back. I want her to feel the way I do. But she doesn't. She acts like I'm invisible. I hate being invisible. I'm selfish-If I'm not happy, no one should be. God! What an awful way to live life!

Funny how I'm so caught up on the people I lost a long time ago, and not so worried about the ones I'm losing right now.