Without you, I'm nothing

In most of my posts I talk about a "close friend." I'm going to name her Homer because she reminds me of him. ;)

Well, today she treated me to an Oilers game. My first this season. Although we lost, I still had a blast. I expected that though, because whenever me and Homer are together, we end up laughing and having the best time ever. She truly is the best. =)

Apart from the game, today was by far the best day in a very long time. I don't think I've enjoyed myself this much in a while.

I suppose it's true what they say, "There's always a light at the end of the tunnel."

Since I'm feeling a bit mushy today, I can say that Homer is my light. I have no idea how I'd get through any of this without her. (Damn am I glad I thought of a name for her, I've wanted to say that for so long LOL).

Anyway, after such a long and awesome night, I'm going to head off to bed.

-A

Fact: We all climb our way up in heels, no matter who we have to tread on to do it.

Awesome day today.

I loved it.

Repetitive History

I feel like shit. I absolutely despise when people automatically assume stuff about me. I've changed, or so I'd like to belief. I won't purposely get people in shit from my other friends. Nor will I hate my last name because of some guy. I have my own opinions and morals.

And lastly, I don't involve friends on purpose. They get involved on their own.

Dear Lord. So tired of this. I think I'm going to screw studying and just go to bed. No point in even trying.

The Kite Runner

There was a book discussion on the Kite Runner at HQ khane. Since I couldn't make it, I decided to post my opinion on the book.

It was a beautifully told novel. I believe it touched many people's hearts because a lot of its themes could be related to the average person.
I'll touch upon a few of those themes.

Firstly, guilt played a huge part in the novel. The main character,Amir, was a boy who was guilty of many things. The main thing that plagued his heart was the events he witnessed his childhood friend, Hassan, go through. Rape and betrayal were two of the many things that Hassan endured. The worst betrayal was from Amir.

This type of guilt plagues a lot of us. We are usually found abandoning a friend in times of need. In order to save ourselves, we ruin other people. Years later, we remember those we left, and often find ourselves wondering how their lives turned out. 9/10 times, we ourselves lead perfect lives. We have little to worry about, compared to the dreadful lives of others.

The second theme in this novel was of friendship. We often find ourselves giving up everything for a friend. This is was Hassan did. He was loyal to Amir through everything. When Amir hurt Hassan in the worst possible way, Hassan still kept his mouth and heart shut. He loved Amir no matter what.

A lot of us crave for love like that. And when we have it, we take advantage of it, just like Amir did.

The third theme was one of a father/son relationship. Amir craved for his father's approval, much like we do with certain people. Although Amir and his father were always together, they didn't have the sort of bond that either wanted. They both expected different things from one another, and often blamed themselves for the other's shortcomings.

And finally, redemption. Late in the book, Amir did his best to right his past wrongs. Taking Hassan's son, Sohrab, under his wing, he learned to love the boy like he couldn't with Hassan. Amir learned from his past mistakes and had a second chance with Sohrab.

Redemption touched every one's heart the most. We all want a second chance to right our wrongs. To see or read about a happy ending gives us hope for our own lives, and after all, that is why many of us love books, right? It's an escape from reality. However, this book wasn't a real escape from reality. It was an escape from our reality, and into someone else's.

Dear Reader

If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Math Exam=Tomorrow

So far I've studied for an hour and 20min. Planning on doing more later on tonight. I'll need all the luck I can get.

You're a nobody Until you're talked about

Overall a fabulous day.

Woke up a bit too early, tummy was still hurting. Ended up going to timmys (they need to be a bit faster). I've had a headache all day. I honestly have no idea what's wrong with my head. For the past few weeks, I get sudden episodes of throbbing pain. It's usually on the right side of my forehead. But lately it's been moving to the left side.

Hopefully it's a brain tumor. ;)
I have ALWAYS wanted to be really sick. The you-need-to-be-in-the-hospital kind of sick. LOL.

P.S. That ass keeps talking about me!

A little luck For the unlucky

I was in the bathroom when I looked on the floor and saw a $20 bill. I examined it, thinking it was a figment of my imagination. Halleluyah! I'm $20 richer. Just when I was broke as hell.

I bet it was my money though. Since only my aunt and I use that bathroom. LOL

I won't cry Wolf

Weak and tired.

Like I wrote in my last post, I woke up with terrible cramps. I went to work, and was in so much pain. I could barely move or talk. I was weak and almost fainted. Thankfully, I was allowed to go home at 330. Went to bed at 3:40 and woke up at 6. It still hurts, but a bit bearable.

All I want to do is eat and go back to bed, but mother hasn't even started cooking. She said it'll take about an hour and half. Argh.

Overall, I had a pretty good day. Surprisingly, I'm actually looking foward to tomorrow.

...

Killer cramps + work = worst day.

Cinderella stepping onto a pumpkin instead of her carriage

I want to be able to have a bad day and have someone there at the end.

I don't mind being there for people, but sometimes, I'd like to be selfish and have a me day. I know it sounds wrong. It feels like I'm trying to stop others from having the right to bad days.

I guess you could say I'm pretty messed up.

Let's catch up. Take our clothes off. Stare at each other.

A great appetite...For destruction

What a long day.

Woke up at 9, because mother said we're going for breakfast. Turns out that she was gone at 8:30. I was pissed off. I called her, bitched, and hung up without listening to her side. Made me feel better.

Went to work at 11:50. Got picked up at 8, and dropped my grandma home. My mom said me and her were going out somewhere. Ended up going to her friend's house, whose neice was over (absolutely detest her). Anyway, we played cards for 2 hours and now I'm finally home.

I'm exhausted, frsutrated, and extremely bitchy.

Work was ... odd. All of the girls who work there are either extremely skinny or average. None can be considered anything remotely close to "fat."

Well, this one girl, S, states that she's on a diet because her parents want her to be. She said that they call her fat and ugly. Other workers heard it-men and women-and commented on how they need to go on diets as well. A few even said that since the diets don't work, they want to try other methods.

I spent 15min with each person. Eventually, a few agreed that their weight is fine. That still didn't satisfy me though.

What exactly is it with people and their looks? Does it honestly matter that much?

Speaking of...there's a guy at work who gets picked on a lot. He talks to everyone, but a few times in a conversation, people end up teasing him. You can see his face fall every time. As self defense, he tries to talk back. It never works. However, he usually comes back and apologizes.

Today, he came up to a few of us girls and said "Hey, I'm sorry for everything I said today." I gave him a weird look and asked why he was apologizing. "Because I don't want to seem like a jerk." I reminded him that people treat him worse than he treats them. He looked at me, then shrugged. I told him to be more confident in himself and never to apologize for things he meant, because people will only treat you the way you treat yourself.

Are body image and the want to please others really that important? Why can't we focus on what's really important: pleasing ourselves.

In order to please others, you yourself need to be happy. Your weight and looks are just like money. One day you have it, the next you don't.

I personally would rather be chubby. It's a sign of being healthy. It's a way of showing the world that you don't need to have the "ideal" look to fit in. Infact, what exactly is the ideal look? We all want to be something we're not. So, if none of us are happy with our looks, who exactly do we want to be like? Pictures that are photo-shopped? None of that is real. Even those who actualy do look like that aren't satisfied.

We are all afraid. Afraid of not meeting certain criterias. Not getting into university, not getting a good job, being alone all our lives, afraid of not fitting in, and of looking different.

What happened to being unique? What happened to learning that every individual in this world is different? We all have different genes and DNAs, so how exactly can we look "perfect." We live with what we have. And love it.

Speak of the Devil and he doth appear

I'm so frustrated right now. I just want to punch something. Hurt it. Take my anger out. It'll probably be best if I went to bed.

I had a bottle of water. It woke me up. It seems that every Friday night I become really frustrated and angry for no reason. A bit odd.

The faster you rise, The harder you fall

So tired. Just came back from khane. Apparently it was post-sec day and there was food. A friend and I ended up sitting and eating. At the same time, we made up "stories" about my little cousins and a cute little boy. (Yes we were bored, but highly amused).

All I want to do right now is go to bed. I have no idea why I'm feeling a bit down. I shouldn't be. Especially after the awesome day I had. Maybe the high of today is finally fading.

Well, I've officially spent all my money. I have maybe $10 left. And I need to save that for lunch next week. Gord! Can't wait until Friday. I really need to fix up or make a new resume so I can give it to someone I know. He said he'll get me a job at the call-center. Better pay and hours than here.

My drowsiness might have something to do with dehydration. I've barely been drinking water.

I realy don't want to go to work tomorrow. 8 hours of hell. I hope I'm not working on Sunday. But at the same time, I hope I am. I really do need the money. Argh.

Maybe I'll head to bed. Or drink some water to wake me up. =)

Can you say: Hypocrite

I love how hypocritic people can be. (Is that even a word?)

Usually when you're arguing online, one person says "Stop replying to me." However, why is that they never do the same? Why can't it be them who stops replying? If they don't want to talk, no one's forcing them to.

Pathetic.

An eye for a lie

Another good day.

Went to school smiling, came back grinning. LOl
Lunch was spent at the library studying for a chem exam. I think I did alright. I'm sure I did way better on my math exam though.

As for the psych project I was getting excited about, well, I didn't get to present because my group members didn't show up. If I had done it by myself, I would've had less time to present. Considering how long my presentation is, I decided to wait until Tuesday.

On a brighter note: My status on Facebook is: Alishah thinks its pretty pathetic how you're trying to make me jealous. H commented on my wall calling me pathetic and I immediately called her on it. If she assumes, it's got to mean that she actually was doing it.

I adore people. They're too funny.

As for me "strutting my stuff," I did something better. I talked to all her friends, causing the attention to move from her to moi. Oh, the joys of being a bitch in training. LOL.

Even if it's just for a while, You make me smile

I can't believe how happy I am. I'm still a bit awed by that.

Well, I finally finished my psychology project. I'm actually quite proud of it. I hope it turns out OK. I was partnered with 2 other people, and as usual I ended up doing the whole thing on my own. For some reason, I can never trust other people with projects. This way, if I do badly, I have no one to blame but myself.

It took me approx 2 hours to complete. Now...If only I had brought home my chemistry and math books home. I have unit exams in both subjects tomorrow. Oops.

Did I mention I bought a beautiful red robe yesterday? I've had my eye on it for a while, and being extremely blah yesterday, I decided to treat myself. It is so soft and cuddly. And long. Just the way I wanted it. Plus. It matches with my slippers. And my nails (both finger and toe) LOL.

Prohibition never stood a chance against Exhibition

Overall it was quite a good day.

Got to school and had the urge to do my psych proj. So off I went to the library. Well, I did a lot of my proj, but I also ended up blogging. (I don't think I can ever get tired of that LOL).

First period went by pretty smoothly. I spent the whole class immersed in my magazine.
Second period however was when I started getting a headache. (Bet you all know what's coming up). I took a half a pill. 5minutes later, I took the other half. 20min later, I took a second pill. 10 minutes I took a third pill. 5minutes before class ended, I took my forth and last pill of the day.

Know what's scarier? I don't know what those pills were. Whatever it was, it made me shaky and a bit tired. (Even though it said non drowsy).

Well, 3rd period, as was my plan, I skipped with a friend. I called my mom at lunch but I guess she was busy. I left a message telling her that I needed a break. I called back when 3rd period was over and this time she picked up. She sounded a bit disappointed, but I guess this time she understood. Especially given that she knows everything that's going on.

In regards to that, today I decided to be a complete bitch to H. When I saw her in the hallways, I would roll my eyes in front of her. I flirted with one of her best guy friends. And basically strutted my shit. (Might I mention I got checked out quite a few times today....Oh dear. Here comes my ego LOL).

Well, it worked. Last time I saw her, she looked pissed. =D And what's even better is that I felt good about it. Guess sometimes it's good to use your ego.

There's a weak link in every chain

...And it's just a matter of time before this one snaps.

The day has offically begun and I can't stop thinking about what'll happen today. I know for a fact that I'll be in shit when I get home, if I do decide to skip. (Which I'll have since I never finished my project.) I could always wing it, but I rather not. I'm sure I'll get too emotional.

I got a ride from mom this morning and the whole way through I was silently praying that she would say something. I really wanted to hear something encouraging today. Anything actually. My day started off with silence, I hope it doesn't stay that way. I don't think I could handle another day of this.

Perfect

Way to make me feel shittier. And angry.
=)

You can't save a damsel If she loves her distress

It's 11:30 and I'm nowhere close to being tired. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. Being on the computer at least gives me the notion that I'm not alone. Going to bed, well let's just say that being alone the whole day gets tiring.

I miss being a dumb teenager. Who am I kidding? I'm still as dumb as ever. lol.

Alright. I'm going to go read a book or something. =)

Yuuummm Chocolateee

I've stooped so low as to drink chocolate syrup...plain.

I have plenty of chocolate in my room...it's just too far away.

Forever

Great. The waterworks started again. Not that they stopped.
I really should do my English project, but I just don't know what to do. I know that if I go to my room, I'll end up bawling. Right now, my blog is the only thing keeping me sane.

I keep wondering about the future. When and if I ever have children. I wonder if I'll ever let them read my blog. I'm sure I will. I think I'd like them knowing about me. I've always wanted to know about my mom. She barely remembers her childhood. Although, sometimes she does say that it was a lot like mine. Makes me sad. She's a lonely, sad woman now. If she went through many of the same things and still didn't end up happy, then what are the chances for me?

In fact I was just talking to a friend when she said, "We got through so much (you n I), we're so young, but its best to go through this now, then later- when we will actually have lives- and we'll have the experience to back up our wisdom."

It reminded me of something I used to live by. "God doesn't give you pain your whole life. If you're sad now, you'll be happy later." I made that up when I was about 10. It's now been 6 years since that and I can't help but feel pessimistic.

Genie and Princess

I don't have the energy to get up and walk to my room. I like it here. I like staying in one position. I guess I think that if I move, something else might go wrong.

I honestly didn't expect this between me and H. Everything that happened with me and her in the last couple of days was the same thing that happened with me and M.

What did I expect though? If my own father could walk out on me, why should I expect anyhing more from someone else.

I was in my room a few minutes ago, and my mom walked in. When she was leaving I whispered "I don't want to leave the house tomorrow." She just stopped and sighed. I feel bad for telling her about all this. I just...I needed someone. I wish we were closer.

I can barely type. My eyes are still watering. I don't remember crying this much since her.

I wish I could run away. Happily Ever After sounds like a wonderful place. If only I were a princess...with a genie.

Why Why Why...

do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

Close my eyes And never wake up.

It wasn't that bad. Way better than the message I got when I got home.

Ironically, just this afternoon, I was thinking of how M told me to take our pic off my page. I thought of how odd it would be if H told me the same thing. Surprise Surprise! I got home to just that. "Take my picture off your page."

Ok. Done. Anything else for you?

*sigh* I don't want to go to school. 3 days is enough. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm...I'm done. I hate this more than anything.

There honestly is no point in making new friends if this is going to happen every year. My resolution: Don't make friends.

It'll save me the heartache. And knowing how pathetic I truly am.

I feel empty. My chest still hurts. Half the time, I'm staring at things with a blank mind. I don't know where I am. I don't know who I am. I just want a new life. This one hurts. I'm weak. I can't handle this. It's just not fair.

Lately, I've been craving hugs like crazy. I...Sometimes I just want to know that I'm needed by someone. I want to cry with someone. I'm tired of being alone. Even with people, I feel so alone. A constant ache.

Please. Just take me home. I'm ready now.

Dear God

I wish today weren't a big day. I just want to go to bed. I can't deal with this as well.

Dear God,

Make it disappear.

Love, Me.

Beggars can't be Picky

Could I just give up now? What more do I have to lose?

P.S. I really don't think this night is going to be any fun. Far from it from the way it has already started.

Can't wait to blog in a few hours when I'm back from khane. I'm sure I'll really need to vent.

=(

My heart hurts.

Joy to the World

I am broke. I got my check yesterday. Today at lunch, I went shopping because I had nothing to do. I spent $40 on presents and $30 on myself. The rest of the money...went God knows where. LOl.

Overall a pretty good day. I was happy most of the time. Obviously there were a few times when all I wanted to do was curl up and cry.Oh well. I guess everyone has those moments. And if I don't have one of those moments at least once a day, my day isn't complete. lol

I'm kind of excited for tonight. I feel like being around people today.

Nitez

Ok. I miss her. I regret what I said. I knew she had good intentions. I was just...I didn't want things to turn out the way they did. I guess it was inevitable. Well, I've been on the comp just for her and no sign of her signing on. Guess I'll go to bed. Had a late night yesterday. Need to be fresh for tomorrow. Joy.

Just not Ready

I'm exhausted.

Today was an alright day. I've found a correlation between losing people and my fear of dogs. I have been so fidgety the last 2 days. This morning, while waiting for the bus, a boy walked up behind me and I jumped and ran to the lady in front of me. Waking to the mall from school, I heard something that sounded like a dog, and I got panicky and ran to the entrance. This kept happening. And I hate it. Perhaps it had to do with being afraid that if I can't get through a relationship, what are the chances of me overcoming my phobia? I guess one failure leads to another.

Onto another topic: The season premiere of One Tree Hill was on, and so was the last episode of Gossip Girl (at least until the strike is over). Both those shows showed unhappy endings. OTH started 4 years after the last season ended. The main characters all ended up successful, but none were happy. There was always something missing. In GG, a scandal causes break ups, and one of the main character, S tried to run away. That is, until her best friend, B, stopped her. That said a lot. Especially considering that S was a bitch to B.

I guess both shows showed that no matter how great things are, something will usually ruin it. However, things always end up better. Like a famous quotation says, "if it's not a happy ending, it's not over."

tres épouvantable [tres horrible]

Kaayy really nervous for tomorrow. All this proves that I'm a horrible person.
Thank you for pointing it out.
=)

P.S. We won 4-0 against the Islanders. =)

P.P.S. She says she's "freed." Would that mean that she's been waiting for this? I never forced her to stay friends with me. I can't be that bad that people say they're freed once we stop talking...or can I be? God. I just...I was hoping this year could be different.

Could we start over? Pretend we live in a perfect world with perfect people. I'm tired of apologizing. I'm tired of acting as if none of this affects me. I'm tired. Just. Plain. Tired.

ouch?

This is when you know that you're loved:
I am gonna be flat out honest i don't even wanna see you in school tomorrow

Anyone have a hole I can crawl into? You can cover it up just as soon as I make sure there's no way to get out.

where's home?

There. As usual. I apologized.
Pathetic how I'm always the one to apologize, and I usually get shit said back to me in return. It makes me feel low. Who am I kidding? I'm the lowest of the low.

I hate going khane, I dread school as if it were the plague, and just thinking about going home gives me shivers.

I just want to find a place where I belong. Is that too much to ask for?

just breathe

A bit too emotional right now.

Doesn't help at all that the movie my grandma is watching is playing an extremely sad song. The movie is about an autistic boy. No one understands him and are always yelling at him. Eventually, his father sends him to boarding school. This is when the song starts. They boy sings about his mother. How much he misses her. How he wishes she knew how he understands what people say about him and he sucks it up and acts like nothing bothers him. How he cries wishing she would hug him and never let him go, but he never shows anyone those tears. the song is basically about the relationship between him and his mother.

Quite sad. I'm not looking forward to watching the rest of the movie.

me me meeee

I don't like people getting involved in my shit. I expect them to learn from the first time they did that. I wouldn't want a third party involved. No one likes it. My shit. I deal with it.

Only a lonely man is afraid of isolation.

First day back was shitty (as I expected it to be...well OK not really, but I was somewhat prepared for a lousy day). The first part of the morning went alright. Turns out that my social teacher is having complications with her pregnancy and can't come back to teach. Poor lady.

Well, after 2nd, I went to my locker and S was standing there. I asked if she was coming to lunch with me and H. She gave me a weird look and said "Me and H are going." I shrugged my shoulders and went to go look for other people to chill with (thankfully I made friends the last week before break).

After lunch, I figured H would be at our lockers since she always walks me to my class (She has a spare 3rd block). She wasn't there. Instead I saw A at school, standing at the doors near my locker. She smirked at me. I turned around and walked away. In the back of my mind, I knew that A and H would end up together. I was right.

After 3rd block was over, I saw H and A near my locker. I said hi to H and didn't get a response back. Instead, she looked at me, looked back at A and laughed. Hm. Nothing new there. Where A is, my misery follows. I went to fourth thinking how unlucky of a person I must be.

If you think about it, it's true isn't is? Every year since 2004 I have lost someone in January. It's obvious that this month is the least luckiest for me. Thank God someone always comes to the rescue. I guess The Big Guy never leaves anyone alone.

I just...I wish there was one year where I wouldn't lose anyone. I'm tired of it. I know I'm not a good friend, much less a good person. But could I honestly be that bad to be losing so many people? I've often heard that it's my fault. That I really am a horrible person. If so, maybe God can make me a better person. Or at least lead the road to becoming a better a person. I'll work on it, I promise I will. I just need to know what I'm doing wrong.

With this relationship-the one with H, I was extra careful. I expressed my gratitude almost every day. I made sure to let her know how much she meant to me. I apologized for all my stupid behaviors.

*sigh* I guess some things in life aren't meant to be. I didn't need any of them anyway. Maybe if I say it enough, I'll start to believe it.

blahhh blahh blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I just came home from a friend's house (damn really need to come up with a name for her). Anyway, she had a family get-together last night and I ended up sleeping over.
Quite a fun night.

I was a bit put off this morning though. No idea why. Bad memories perhaps. I really miss her. I feel like an idiot for letting the opportunity pass a few days ago. I could've talked to her, found out how she is. Instead, I opted to being a coward and ignored her. Can you say DUMB?

Whatever. Gotta let that go. Don't you hate how some memories come at the least wanted times. Hmph.

Yesterday I went to my uncle's apartment. It is absolutely gorgeous. He took us out for dinner but we all had dnner plans. Hence we ended up eating appetizers. I had 3 chicken wings, a few fries, and a mini burger (1/4 of it). At my friend's house, I ate a small portion of rice and curry.

That was my meal for the whole day yesterday, plus this morning. Today, at around 3:30ish, I had fish and fries. Half of which is still uneaten.

I feel so full. And tired. I have absolutely no energy.

School starts tomorrow and I'm so not ready for it. I haven't even started on my homework. I don't think I'll be doing it tonight. Whatever. First day back, teachers will understand. =)

Telll me its all going to be ok

I'm nervous for tomorrow. I have no idea why. I just...I have a feeling something is going to go wrong.

It's probably just me. I can't sleep. I can't cry. I don't even think I can feel. I just feel so empty, yet at the same time, so overwhelmed.

I'm pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. And stupid. Did I mention crazy? Yeah. I'm crazy as well.

run awayyyy

Wish a scream would make everything better. I don't know what I'm feeling. I want to cry. But I don't even have enough energy for that. I just...I need a hug. Better yet, a day away from reality.

Burn in Flames

Feels like years since I last posted. I've been so tired and weak. Doesn't help that I've been pigging out like a pig. Just so nervous.

She's in town and I can't help but be fidgety. When I saw her first, I just walked away. Ended up sucking it up and couldn't run when we bumped into each other. Stupid me didn't say a word. Not even hi. I just hugged her and stood there like a baboon. Honestly. I feel so stupid. I've been waiting years to talk to her again, and now that I have the chance, I'm bloody scared. We're both just so different. Didn't fail to notice that her and my aunt are inseperable again. Hmph.


Perhaps I've moved on. I hope so.

As for food. I've been so nervous, thinking that she'll pop out anytime, that I've been filling myself with food every chance I get. I even ended up baking a cake yesterday. I feel sick eating so much, especially after practically starving myself for 2 weeks.

I can barely remember everything I ate. I just know that it was mostly junk (no surprise there).

Well, 3 more days until school starts again. I still have 2 projects to do. I haven't even started them yet. I'm obviously the queen of procrastination. [ROLLEYES]

Just the thought of going back to school is making me fidgety. I don't want to go through that again. Last week before break was bad enough.

I feel so weak. I can't face school. I couldn't face new years. And I couldn't face her. To top it off, I can't stop eating. No wonder I'm gaining weight like crazy.

Another year...joy.

I've never understood what's so happy about new years. It's just another day. What exactly are we celebrating? Getting through the year? Growing up and being able to face another year? What about those who want to do neither? Do we say Sad New Year? Pathetic New Year? Another New Year?

First post of 2008 and all I can do is wallow in my own self pity. I'm pathetic. Let's just blame it on the hunger. Still haven't eaten anything. ARGH.