missin them

I've been so emotional lately. More than usual. I'm thinking about those people more than I have in the last two months. Everything is reminding me of people I need to forget. What I really want-need-is my best friend. I miss her soo much. Three people who mean everything to me and whom I can't have. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair, but I know that the only reason I don't have them in my life now is because I screwed it up. There's no one else to blame. Still, for once, one day, I want to go back in time and feel..remember what it felt like to be carefree, happy, and myself. I'm losing myself right now. It's like I don't know where I am...or whom. I just want her back! Is it too much to ask for??
UGH! Of course it is! Its almost impossible to rebuild friendship like ours. Its barely working for me and A. When we talk, its nothing like it used to be. So much has changed. Seven months ago I wouldn't even have guessed that she would be gone from my life for forever. Jeez! I'm such a screw up.
I know this isn't the only thing bothering me. There's something else...something that's effecting me waayyy more than it should be. *sigh*
I guess I now know never to take anything or anyone for granted.