"Keep moving Forward" -Meet The Robinsons

A pretty useless day. I ended up crying third block. I saw H in the morning, after two weeks. I'd forgotten she went to the same school. It was pretty hard seeing her. I practically ran the second I saw her. Throughout the day I couldn't help but remember everything we had been through.

Third block, we started Macbeth. The same book that started my friendship with H back in grade 10. Every line in that book had a memory of us. I started bawling. After weeks it finally hit me. I don't have her in my life anymore.

I miss her like crazy. I don't think I can be as open with anyone again. The stupid things we had done. The way she would come visit me in every class. The notes. The jokes. Skipping. Sucking up to teachers. Running off to City Center or West Ed during class time. Missing the big events in school (lock down, ect). Not to mention how I got called down to the office on my birthday only to find out that I had a birthday present waiting (from her).

*sigh* I feel like I've lost so much in my life. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy what I do have. I'm actually so thankful that I have these people in my life. It's just that sometimes...it doesn't seem enough.

On another note: I ended up going to khane with Homer. I've really missed her. She's been having a crappy time lately, and I could tell that it was still there today. I think we had fun today though. Reading her blog, I can't help but wonder if something will happen. I get such a bad feeling every time I read it, or see her. There are so many What Ifs in my mind right now. I want to question her about it, but I'm scared of the reply I'll get. I know that she's scared too. No one wants to live like that. She looks so exhausted from it all. I just wish there was something I could do.

I saw my Kams today. She looked really pretty and happy. I feel a bit odd near her. I didn't mind adoring her from far. Ever since she's found out, I feel like I have to live up to certain expectations. I suck up. I act a bit too happy. Anything to assure her that I'm fine. But the bigger the act I put up, the shittier I feel about it. I honestly adore this woman. I have since I was 8. She would always smile and ask me how I was. She gave a real smile. Never one of those fake smiles I often get from ladies.

I really hope tomorrow will be a better day.

<3

sex ohh sex ohh
(xoxo)