bvhgjkjbj

Her birthday's coming up-actually both their birthdays are coming up. One this month, the other the next. Wow! It's so hard for me to not talk to either of them. I would be planning for her birthday-a month early. I'd be ordering the flowers now. Something I swore I'd do every year. But I can't...not this year. Because I don't know where she lives, or anyone in that city to order the flowers. Fuck! I hate myself for this. And as for the other birthday...*sigh*...nothing to say for that. I hate thinking of all that I'm missing in their lifes. ugh!
Make matters blah-er?? ackk...I can't write it in here!! fuck! Frickin ass reads it!
Anywaaayyy....
Last night I was cleaning my room and I came across the "letter." I know I shouldn't be saying this about a deceased person, but I really hate her! I hate her soo soo muchh! I hate what she did to "her." She tries to act like she's past the grieving stage, but she's not. It'll always affect her and I hate that more than anything! I hate what she's going through. If its hurting me, and I never even knew her, imagine what its doing to "her."