Its still so hard to believe that she's isn't in my life anymore. Every reference to a best friend and I start bawling my eyes out. I could never imagine a life without her. I guess I took her for granted-believed that our friendship was too strong for anything to break it. I was wrong. I used to think of her as someone who would never leave me, who would always be my best friend.
We barely ever refered to each other as best friends. It was either a mutual understanding, or we were too afraid to acknowledge it. GOD! Its been eight months and I'm still thinking of her...missing her. I feel like an idiot! Why can I never get over people? Why do I always make the same mistake of trusting people, of loving people, and of making people my everything. Its like I'm cursed.
First her, then A, then 'preet, and my best friend. Four people that meant everything to me. But the one who meant the most, the one I thought would always be by my side...I screwed things up. To tell you the truth, I don't even remember what happened. But what makes me feel really guilty is forgetting what it felt like to talk to her, forgetting what we talked about, and just...forgetting her. But then, sometimes it just comes back to me and all I want during those times is to call her, or talk to her on msn/nex, and laugh it off. Or better yet...tell her how much I love her and what she means to me. I can't though, because i'm scared. I'm scared because whenever I try talking to you, I remember your last words to me--"I don't need you in my life anymore." Those words were the worst I ever heard, and I can hear them echoing in my mind even when I'm not thinking about you.
I'm sorry, I really am. I wish I could turn baack time because I know that what w had we could never have again. So, turning back time would be the only way to make things right with us.

*sigh*
I wish she could read this.