Tuesday, August 22, 2006

foook..

I hate myself so much right now. I haven't hated myself for almost a year. But it seems like I've had a bit too much. A few words, and I'm done for. Everything's coming back. All the shit I tried to hide, to ignore and put away...its all hitting me now and I can't even do anything about it. I know I have to be careful, I've known that for more than two years now, but I've had enough. Its like the torture will never stop...no matter how hard I try to ignore it. I honestly don't know whats hurting more-what he said, or seeing her and missing people. All I want is to be with strawberry and talk to her. I miss her so much. I think she's been gone since December. It was one of the Khushiali's last year. meh.


"no one has ever walked across a room for a personality" I suppose that means that no one is going to walk across the room for me.

Yes, as you could probably tell, my self-confidence is very low right now.
I've been called ugly, emo, fucking ass, a bull (wtf?) and many other things in the last 5min. Well, at least I never got any suicide scemes. Honestly, are some people really that inconsiderate and rude? No wonder so many people have or have tried to kill themselves. Wish I had enough sense to go through with it. Im such a fucktard! They were right.
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1 comment:

A-List said...

You know what...it says a lot about you personally if you believe the all the crap you're told. You're old enough now to know when to use your coping mechanisms- we're all born with them, they just need to be put into use more often.

I'm touched that you used my quote about nobody walking across the room for a personality, it's deffinetly true- I believe...but you're taking it out of context when you mention it in your blog, as if that phrase is coined for you, or geared towards you- it's not, it's only fact.

You're not ugly. I wouldn't lie to you.

You're in a developmental stage right now where you're very self conscious of yourself, and look towards others for validity and confirmation.

It didn't help for you to have gone to an all girls school during the most crucial developmental ages where you really learn to use your coping mechanisms. Ask anyone who went to a public boy/girl jr.high how tough it can be with the other sex.

High school isn't as though as jr.high as far as the social scene is concerned...however it's really a time to find yourself and find out who you really are, and put some thought into your future. Pay attention to your future goals...because 10 years from now it won't matter how you looked in high school, who your friends were, or how popular you were...what will matter is your high school transcript...and how you use it to your advantage.

Take a lesson from me--don't care so much about superfiscial things...people who are caught up on their looks are as flakey as a cornish pastry.

Life isn't all about boys...or girls if you tend to swing that way...it's about knowledge and how you use it. So stop looking in the mirror and start paying attention to the things around you and the difference you can make in your life and other's lives around you.

3:01 AM

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