I'm a spoiled brat

I am dying..dying!...to go watch The Phantom of the Opera. Fuck man!!! I keep thinking about it. You know where it would be even funner to watch??? In Paris, or London. But I am not waiting a whole year to watch it!!...Depending on whether we even go next summer. Mummy said I have to save up since there's a lot to do in England and a lot of shopping and shit. Said she won't pay for it all. She gave me such a big lecture last night about how she's a single parent and how she has to take care of the whole family. Fuck! Am I supposed to care that your mother, and brother depend on you?? Screw them. You gave birth to me, so now you deal with me. I know I'm being a selfish ass, but its her fault. She's the one who spoiled me. If she did it for the first 14 years of my life, she can do it for the rest. Life is like work. You don't do things that aren't part of your job profile, and if you, then they become part of your profile.

Damnit! I sound like the lowest person on the planet! I just hate not getting my way. Its not like I always get my way. If I ask for something and mummy says no, I usually accept it. But if she says no and I keep persisting, I more than often get what I want. That's hardly the case though. I accept it, unless I really want it badly.

Take going to England as an example. I first asked my mum when I was 7. She said no. Then I asked again when I was 9, 10, 11, 12, and now 14. All those times she said that we'd go in the summer. It hasn't happened yet, but I never said anything telling myself that its a good thing since going to a place I know I'll make many memories is worth waiting for. I thought no one would notice, but my aunty did. She yeled at my mum a few days ago saying that she shouldn't be making false promises. Then she turned to me and said, "Don't expect to go next summer, your mum is a liar, she won't be taking you anywhere anytime soon." I ignored her but I knew deep down inside that it was true.

So, from now on, I've decided that all my dreams and wants will be put on a hold. At least until I'm old enough. Sometimes though, I feel like life could end at any second and I've not even travelled anywhere I can remember. We went to Florida, California, Dubai, Mexico, San Antonio, Houston, Toronto, Buffalo, and New York, but I don't remember any of that. Could my mother really expect me to?? Iwas only 5 then. What a waste. But its her fault. What 5 year old remembers stuff like that. I wouldn't even have a liking to those cities. The only thing I remember is the casino and how I got my mother $100. Oh and not to mention Dar, where I lived. Even there, I only remember the shitty stuff--our maid getting killed at our house, going for walks with one of our servants and getting free stuff from every corner, or never being home since people from khane always took me to their homes, or going to this girl's house every morning to wake her up. Other than that I don't remember anything else. I don't remember the sceneries, the wildlife, the poverty...nothing realy worth remembering. Only stupid things. I want to travel to places where I can see and remember things. Visit the Louvre Museum--I even know where the Mona Lisa is held-1st floor, Denon Wing,Salle des Etats-La Joconde(Mona Lisa). See the palaces of the Forbidden City in Beijing, the Great Wall of China, and the Palaces in England. However, I really want to go to Italy-its art and architecture. The buildings are beautiful. But really, whats the point in traveling, making memories when in a few years, when I die, I won't remember anything. I can't take my memories with me in death.

I apologize for going off topic. I was speaking of wanting to go see the Phantom of the Opera, and I ended up talking about wanting to travel the world. LOL. I guess I got my mum's interest in traveling. (I couldn't find a word that would fit!! damnit)