Forever

Great. The waterworks started again. Not that they stopped.
I really should do my English project, but I just don't know what to do. I know that if I go to my room, I'll end up bawling. Right now, my blog is the only thing keeping me sane.

I keep wondering about the future. When and if I ever have children. I wonder if I'll ever let them read my blog. I'm sure I will. I think I'd like them knowing about me. I've always wanted to know about my mom. She barely remembers her childhood. Although, sometimes she does say that it was a lot like mine. Makes me sad. She's a lonely, sad woman now. If she went through many of the same things and still didn't end up happy, then what are the chances for me?

In fact I was just talking to a friend when she said, "We got through so much (you n I), we're so young, but its best to go through this now, then later- when we will actually have lives- and we'll have the experience to back up our wisdom."

It reminded me of something I used to live by. "God doesn't give you pain your whole life. If you're sad now, you'll be happy later." I made that up when I was about 10. It's now been 6 years since that and I can't help but feel pessimistic.