Eid Mubarak.

I had such a good idea for a blog post, but unfortunately, I forgot it. -_-
Hm. Anyway. What is it about hurting a person which brings so much satisfaction? Today, mother and I went to Walmart to get her car fixed and while we were waiting I saw Cinderella 2 and 3. I got super excited because I've been looking for those dvds for months now. Mom laughed and walked away. I told her, "you should've got me that for my birthday." She said, "every time I asked you what you wanted, you'd say nothing or say you wanted books." This started a fight (yep right in Walmart). I started bitching and asked why I never got what I wanted (books). I said, "If I couldn't get the books, what makes you think I would've got the dvds." Which soon led to, "You're my mother, you should know what I want. I know most of what you'd like."

Seeing her in pain made me happy. I know it sounds sick and low, but getting my anger out felt good. But at the same time, I felt bad. Because she keeps complaining about lack of money.

By the time mother and I got back in the car, I was pissed again. She actually had the audicity to decline my request of getting the dvds, which were $50 together, and instead she booked an appoinment to get her hair done. Which, might I mention, costs approx $120, and she last got it done first week of December. I haven't gotten my hair done in over 7 months. She promised to let me get it done for my birthday. Infact, she's promised a lot. Maybe I should listen to my friend when she says, "Don't expect anything from anyone."

Maybe I will go to school on Friday. Hell. Maybe I'll go to school tmr as well. Been home with them for less than 5min and I'm already crying. God. Imagine the weeks of winter break. I'll be in bed the whole time.
They frustrate me so much. I don't even talk to them and they do something to piss me off. Fuck.

I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. But I know that if I don't go tomorrow than I'll have to go on Friday. I rather miss Thursday and Friday, then just start my winter break.

I don't know what it is about being alone that frightens me so much. I don't mind being alone at the theatres, or at a restaurant, but there are some places where being alone is so hard.

My school plays Christmas songs during the breaks. My favorite songs. Yet, I'm usually in class by then so I don't get to hear it. Sucks doesn't it. When you don't have anyone to share special, stupid times with. Maybe thats why people get married. To have security. To know that there will be someone at your side at all times. Perhaps I was being too selfish when I stopped my mom from getting married all those times. It's not like any of them were good men though.

I hate how I'm always feeling so guilty. -_- No matter what it is, the guilt is always there. *sigh* Just one more thing I have to work on I guess.

What is it about a 'thank you' that makes most people feel so warm??
With me, those words make me feel guilty. What I do, or say, are things that are really minor and feel like nothing to me. So when someone thanks me for doing something like that, it makes me wonder if they actually meant it. Guilt as well because I myself barely show my appreciation. I wasn't taught to do it. From a young age, words like thank you, please, and sorry weren't taught to me. They weren't a daily occurance. So when someone says any of the above to me, I feel...small.

Today, two people thanked me for being there for them. Yet when I think about it, I feel like I didn't do anything. It felt like nothing to me. I know that sometimes even the small things might mean a lot to someone, but its difficult to accept that I could do something nice.

Gord. I don't even know how to explain it without feeling like I'm repeating the same things.

Going back to one of the people who thanked me. Her precise words were: Thank you. I was confused and asked what for. Her reply was: "For being there today. Just like you always used to be"
This girl and I have barely spoken for years. And hearing her say something like that, it reminded me of something someone else said to me recently. "I miss who you were. You were the best friend a person could have. Where did that fun Alishah go?"

I'd like to think I haven't changed that much. But I can't be sure about that. I can't remember who I was (like I've mentioned in my earlier posts). Scary isn't it? Forgetting yourself.

Computer Aids

My computer has aids. -_- Last night it kept shutting off, which made me really frustrated considering I was trying to have a convo. =(
Anyway, this may be one of my last posts in a while. Gotta try to get my comp fixed. Gord knows how I'm going to do that.

Grandma dearest decided to watch my fav soap with me. It made me so mad. But I controlled my anger (yeah first time ever), and I let her watch. (I can't even write cause she's near me. Just the site of her makes my blood boil. I know I'm being rude but I'm extremely picky with the people I'm around. I have half a mind to grab the glass in my hand and throw it at her. I've been having these thoughts a lot today. Wanting to hurt someone, physically. It sounds so tempting.

Anyway. Today was another day spent alone. Joy. One more day of this torture. Know what's worse? Coming home and being alone...AGAIN. I only need a day or two off from people, not a whole week. Argh. My plan is to stay home on Thursday because of Eid and to stay home on Friday because I'm going to be "sick." LOL.

Fear...?

While talking to a friend about New Years plans, she said this: I think you have a fear of abandonment that resonates from the time of childhood- starting with the abandonment of your Father...throughout the years that fear has been re-enforced by the loss of friends...This fear of abandonment causes you to close yourself off from others, it causes you to judge others and assume the worst of most situations

It sounds true. But difficult to accept.
Trying to see the positives in any situation is hard-for any person. It's human instinct to always have a back-up plan and to take care of yourself no matter what. That's what I'm doing...right?
As for my father, I've heard that theory many times. Usually starts off with elderly people saying, "Those girls with no fathers, they're always looking for men to fill that void." Then they look at me and shake their heads. Hmph.

LOL. Father. I haven't written about him in months. Think about it every day though. Feels a bit...unfair. Siblings...a father..I wonder how it'd feel to grow up like that-with those people in my life. I guess this brings another fear in my life: growing up and having a family. I wouldn't know the first thing to do. Or what to expect. I guess that's why I resent my half-siblings so much-because they had what I didn't. A part of me hates them for stealing what was originally supposed to be mine.

A few people have recently told me that everything happens for a reason and when things get tough, just to give all my problems to God. But that makes me feel so guilty. Doesn't He have enough to worry about? I'm sure He does. I get along fine with Him just looking out for me occassionally. I ask for enough as it is. =)

Just smile and nod right? Make sure everyone believes the false.
Life is like an echo. All comes back
The good, the bad, the false.
So give the world the best you can,
And the best will come to you.
And isn't that just what I'm doing? Giving the best. Cause in the end, no matter what you do, it'll come back. So might as well pretend it's all good, so maybe the good will come back.


(If this doesn't make sense, don't worry. Cause I don't get it either. I just had to blog something)

*sigh*
Such a crappy day. A few good parts, but overall, I felt guilty for smiling when I did.

A lady I really adore told me that I shouldn't worry about anything and smile even if I don't feel happy. Because just by smiling, it'll make me feel good. I tried that. And it worked. But deep inside I felt so bad. Why is it hard to smile when someone close to you isn't?

P.S. I find it pathetic that most of the people I know are in relationships. I want one tooooo. (hint hint Santa)

P.P.S. I'm thinking of making another blog. Or changing the name of this one.

Ohh Deaarr

I have never understood people's fear of aging.
Humans have been on earth for centuries, yet the traditional phases of life still haven't been accepted by many.
Just today, my English teacher mentioned how good it felt when someone said: you're only 50, you still have half your life to live.
Why though? Why should it feel good? Can't we accept how the "circle of life" is supposed to work.

It starts with age and ends with size. No one is ever going to be content. So much for accepting yourself...no matter what.

"You can't help who or what you are, just like a skunk can't help its smell."

Feels like someone scooped out all my insides and left it a bit too empty.
Gord. I can't sleep, and I can't type. I don't know what to say. I can't hold up a conversation, and I can't think of anything. My mind is so blank. Makes me mad that I don't know the cause of this. There's a reason for everything isn't there? So where's the reason for this?

Teri yaad aati hein

Now I know how she felt. Bit too late now though. She's coming to town soon. Another reason I don't want to be out too much these next few weeks. Just incase. I can't have her out of all the people see me like this. Wow. I haven't written about her in ages. I miss her so much. Maybe that's another reason I'm like this. I wish I knew. I want to stay home so bad tomorrow. I wish it was just me in the house. Better yet, I want to go to Timmy's.

I remember when I stopped going to Timmy's for a year. I stopped going everywhere. Any place that reminded me of either of them. God. It really feels like those days. I've been missing them both. It feels good to live in the past than to accept the present.

A part of me really doesn't want to accept this new person in my life. Knowing that she could become another them, it's scary. I don't want to give so much power to another person. I have a hard time giving it to myself. Sometimes I just want to push her away and tell her to fuck off. But where would that leave me? Not talking to her for a day got me in pieces. Imagine a whole lifetime. Sucks how much a person can mean. No matter how hard you try not to let them in. I did a good job with my other friends. My last "best friend," I didn't even blink when she left. I thought I was getting good at it. Apparently not. I guess I need more practice. Maybe, subconsciously, that's what I was doing these past few days. Especially last night.

Wish I were degradable. I'd break to pieces and whither away.

Hmm

I fail to understand a person's need to understand everything.

I spent approx 2 hours with a friend, talking in circles. Did it get either of us anywhere? No. We both probably still feel like shit and half the time were extremely fake. Instead of looking out for ourselves, we went for the obvious and most familiar-making sure the other was alright. Why is it that we fail to ignore ourselves, just so we can follow the norm. Better yet: What is the norm?

The better part of the evening was spent watching Borat-one of the funniest movies ever made. Yet, throughout half the movie, I was either forcing myself to laugh or completely lost. I didn't know half of what was going on. My mind and heart just weren't into it. Sure, I enjoyed seeing my friend happy, but I'm still the same way I was. I couldn't help but wonder how fake she was being.

That's what this world is made of isn't it? Fakeness. We fake smiles, laughter and sometimes even love. Where exactly did the realness go? Has reality turned fake as well?

Home again. Wow. Work was hell. My cheeks are sore from fake smiling. I barely talked to anyone.

I did think of a lot of things. Mainly at how selfish I'm being right now. A close friend needs help, and instead of being there for her, I'm wallowing in my own shit. I can't believe I forgot my own motto: Helping others helps keep my own problems in perspective. Hence the reason I should shut up and suck it up.

However, being there for her isn't that easy. For one, I barely know what she's going through. When I try to talk to her about her stuff, I get an odd vibe. Ok. I admit, it was my fault that her appoin backfired. I shouldn't have forced her. Sometimes I do retarded things without thinking.

Sometimes I really wish I knew my half-siblings. Feeling just a bit too lonely right now.

Woke up with a bloody headache and with tears on my pillow. According to my mother I was crying the whole night. Go figure. Apparently I even have feelings while I'm asleep.

Worst part about it all...Monday I'm going to be alone. Even though I have school, most people I know are going to some court case. Joy. You would think that after all this time I'd be used to being alone. Guess not.

As for a certain person's comments, alcohol and pills do help. At least for a while. And while we're at it, so does physical pain. Oh and I'd prefer you didn't stick your nose into this and "try" to get me help. Like you always say, "I do everything on my own."

On a positive note, I just went upstairs and found a whole box full of chocolates that I absolutely love! Hope no one misses it. Cause I'm done half the box. Oops. So much for that "eating disorder" I was accused of having eh.

Yeah. I'm being sarcastic and probably going to regret all of this later, but after the crappy weekend I just had, I could care less. I think a part of me is dying to hurt a certain someone. It's just who I am. When things get hard, I hurt those who "care" because I know it'll affect them the most. I guess thats what I did with the last two.

I cannot wait until work is over tonight. I'm going home and going to sit on my ass until 9 watching Christmas movies. One of my favorite movies is on tonight: Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. I used to adore that movie. Unfortunately, that movie now brings bad memories.

Funny how that is. I end up losing "friends" every year. I always used to think that my family was being mean when they said that I was a bad person that's why I kept losing people. But makes a person wonder. Could that be true? You don't see any other normal person lose people every year. Hmph. Just my luck.

I used to think that everything was for the best. That having those people in my life wouldn't do me any good. Boy was I wrong. Look where it got me. Nowhere. Same place I keep going to-hell.

Hahahaha. My horoscope for today:

December 16, 2007
It could be that you are feeling a strong sense of guilt at this time, Alishah, because of something you did in an effort to feed your own ego. Be aware of how your actions have affected others and apologize for what you have done. Guilt is basically a useless emotion that you should rid yourself of as quickly as possible. Don't let this feeling keep you from opening up your heart the way you need to in order to restore it to its original innocence.

Too funny.


P.S. So far: 5 people this year. (L)

God. I'd do anything for a hug right now. Maybe she's right. We both know this was my fault. If I hadn't had forced her to try to get help, she wouldn't be in this situation. I feel like shit.

As if I needed anything else to make this weekend any worse.
I truly am a horrible person. Did I honestly think I'd be able to help? I'm the one who hid a bloody depression for 3 years. Did I think I could help other people?

Maybe I'll take a day off of work. But I really need the money. Ugh.

Perhaps I won't even make it. I've popped 5 pills so far. God knows what kind they are. Just found them in the cabinet with a bunch of other pills.

How bad exactly is it to overdrink?? Cause right now, I'm willing to do anything to get away from fucking reality. Funny how half a bottle hasn't helped. Too bad I can't have any more. Stupid work tmr.

Honestly. The more I try to help-the more I fuck things up.

Blah blah blah.
I'm starving. Tummy feels empty. But when I go to eat...I feel really full. Maybe it's not my stomach that feels empty...

Fuck. I knew I should've stayed home on Friday. This all got worse on that day. Had a break from people for more than 24hrs. Still not helping. Making me feel more like shit. Funny how that happens eh? You want to be alone, but the second that you are, you feel even more lonlier. Haven't gone to Khane in 2 days. This really feels like those days again. Doesn't help that it's getting closer to New Years. I hate that day.

On a positive note: It's almost been a year since me and my bestie met. =D

I absolutely don't deal well with rejection-of any kind.

Oop
gots work tme
eekjk
sleep helus right:?
nightz

Bacardi and coke is actually really good. And makes you feel bubbly.
Hmph. I guess being alone isn't all too bad. Surprising that I haven't had a drink since last New Years. (Not surprisingly, I was alone that night).

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

So. Why doesn't it feel that way??

Friday I kept getting panic/anxiety attacks. Sucks that I'm being a bitch to all my friends. 6 More days until they can get a break from me. It'll be a much needed break.

Tis the Season

10 days until Christmas and here I am sitting at home. Alone. Watching a Christmas movie.

What is it about this season that makes everyone-even those who don't celebrate it-so giddy? The lights, the music, everything is so beautiful. However there's one hitch-the whole "sappiness" part. Christmas is said to be a time when everyone comes together and celebrates. When past mistakes and issues are forgotten and new memories made. Yet why does it feel like it's not meant for everyone? Why is it that when I'm willing to be nice, change my ways, and give it a try, others just push me away. Or perhaps it's just me.

Maybe for the rest of this month I'll try doing something nice. Visit an orphanage, go to a senior's home. Something. If I can't celebrate with people who are supposed to be my friends, I might as well try to brighten up someone else's life. Right?

P.S. His and Her Christmas is an awesome movie. A bit old, but for those holiday saps, check it out.

Even my body likes to skip. -_-

The WOMAN is Angry

Why is that when a person is quiet or needing to be alone, other people freak out and start asking you questions. Yet when "other people" do the same thing, the person needs to suck it up and move on?

And why is it that when a person doesn't start a convo first others automatically assume you hate them?? What if I didn't see you online?? Or I was busy? Or better yet, didn't have anything to say. Couldn't you have started the convo first?

Honestly. I'm tired of trying to deal with other people's probs. Sure. I love you. But there's a limit to how much. I refuse to walk around alone trying to figure out what the hell could be wrong with you. If there is something wrong with you, either tell me what it is, or let me know you need to be alone. Either one is alright. But playing games is not ok.

Aite. Just had to let that out. Have a good day/night/evening/morning/ect.

aarrgghh x2

I absolutely hate when I'm PMSing, tired, starving, and I come home to the crappiest food (home-made fries that I absolutely dispise). Ok. Sure. On most days I would eat it, but lately, ever since grandma dearest came back, we've been eating food that doesn't satisfy me. Hence I've taken to eating supper out or sneaking in some fast food. However, today I was broke (since I broke my debit card) and had barely eaten the whole day. My PMS doesn't help at all because it's making me cranky and the lack of sleep I've had to deal with for the last week or so has made me even more irritible.
I know I probably sound like a bitchy woman in need of sleep, food, and a new life, but it's honestly who I am. I'm a complete ass on most days. And being around people who irritate me doesn't help. Take my mother for example: I've told her every week for 2 years that the second week of every month is when I start PMS-ing and being more moodier than usual. However, that information fails to get to her. She continues to annoy me, say screwed up jokes that do not make sense, and worst of all, she wears my grandmother's clothes that week. If that doesn't cause insanity, what will?
I guess I can't blame everything on PMS. It's me as well. I suppose ever since the old hag came back things have been really blah. I've always hated my great-grandmother. Never been fond of her. I almost hurt her physically. And now my grandmother. For the past 2 years, she has been a bit too...unpleasant. She is always cleaning. Even when the house is bloody spotless. Alright. Fine. She cleans. But she gets in my way. When I'm sitting on the computer, she'll come up behind me and start wiping the chair or something. When I tell her to leave she starts bitching about my lack of morals. Which confuses the hell outa me. What exactly does cleaning have anything to do with morals??? Sorry God, I'm a messy woman. Guess I can't make it to heaven in this lifetime. Maybe next time. [Insert sarcasm]

Since I'm ranting about family, I might as well rant about other sectors of my life. AKA Friends. I've been really weird around them lately. Especially one of my friends. She thinks a lot of me and I'd like to think it was mutual. But sometimes, I feel resentment towards her. I have a problem: the more people share their views of me with me, the more I'll push them away. For example: If someone tells me how much I mean to them, I'll immediately back away and stop feeling the same way about them. I know I don't mean it, but it not only affects my thoughts on them, but my relationship as well. *sigh* I wish I knew why I'm so afraid of affection. It bothers me. I hate seeing it and I hate having it. Another factor which results in my wanting to pull out my hair.

I think people are right-I DO need to see a bloody therapist or something.

AAARRRGGGG

*sigh*

This explains me in more ways than I can write down.
Just so tired. Of everything. I'm really in need of a change of atmosphere. Everything here is getting to me. It's too...repetitive. -_-

Way to cheer us negative ppl up...

Birthday..nope. Deathday sounds better

Wow. After days of trying to get into my blog...it finally worked.
I've really needed to vent. What about I have no idea. I just need to write. Write...but not to anyone specific. Even if I wanted to write to someone, I couldn't explain myself. I've just been so blah recently. What's worse is that it's 12:30am and no one has said happy birthday to me. The number of days I've stayed up late just to wish someone on their bday...and I get nothing.

Such a small thing, yet, I'm making a huge deal out of it. I don't even care much for birthdays. I guess feeling blah to start off with didn't help the situation much.

As for me feeling blah:
I've been losing a ton of energy because of my lack of nutrition. I can't eat much anymore. It hurts to eat. Even if I'm hungry and warm food up, putting it in my mouth is really hard. I just cannot get myself to do it. My lack of food intake has been causing me to get nasty migranes. Which in turn makes me bitchy.
Not to mention my mood. I'm either really happy, or really put off. Just random emotions of sadness, lonliness, and anxiety pass by me, and it makes me question everything in life. It's been coming back--the depression. And this time it's worse because I don't know the reason-and because it has a lot more to it. Migranes, no food, foul mood, and on top of that, being cut of from certain people.

Losing friends-I thought I was over that. When it first happened I couldn't have cared two shits about it. But lately, it all hurts. Seeing them, makes me wonder why I never had that. It feels like my childhood and teenage years are rushing past me. I'm not complaining about my life right now. I absolutely adore the friends I have, yet it always feels like something is missing. And that empty feeling has really been getting to me.

Sometimes I wish I could be stronger and take on the world with a cheerful attitude. But I can't. It hurts to even laugh for too long. It's not even the emotion hurt...it's also the physical. Makes me feel guilty because its affecting those around me. They don't deserve that.

*sigh*
Just need a break from life.
Cannot wait for this day to be over. The fake wishes and thank you's. Just a bit too much for me to handle.

Isn't it ironic...

We ignore who adores us. Adore who ignores us. Love who hurts us and hurt who loves us.

Lately, things haven't been too great. And I've come to realize that we humans are the stupidest creatures ever when it comes to things that matter. I've been taking all my anger and frustration out on those closest to me-which isn't fair at all.

So. This blog goes out to those special people in my lives who have been there for me through everything.

ilu.

We've all had those days where everything goes wrong. You hear stuff being said about you, people yell, things go wrong. All this causes you to have evil thoughts. You ponder over the crappy day for hours. Then...you hear a nice word or phrase being said to you and you break loose.

What exactly is the power of kind words? Especially when it comes from someone you least expected it to come from.

Fly me Away to Happily Ever After

Stepford vs Normal-What's inbetween?

Why is it that what we show to the outside world is way different from what we show to those "close" to us? Why do we always put on a show? Is it for the benefit of others, or for ourselves? Do others really care what you really are like? Do they think in their heads "Oh look, its those peoople going at it again!" Do others expect us to be perfect?

Look, dress, act like the Stepford family.

Don't shout. Don't speak. Smile. Nod. Even go as far as curtsying.

Is there such a family? Why do we judge others when behind closed doors, each of us is the same way. I doubt that there is a single family in the world which carries an ideal picture.

Sure, we all dream of it, watch it on tv. But can any of us say that we've witnessed such a scene in our everyday lives?

Next time you're out shopping or out on the streets and you see an argument between a family, don;t jump to conclusions thinking about how they need therapy. Instead, keep walking and think of your own family. I'm sure you've all acted in that manner.

Saddest Song Ever! 911 =[

Rant #101

Bloody hell. Oh bloody bloody hell!
I can't take this. She..that..that blah! Honestly, if I could, I'd plunge a 10 foot pole into her. Always! She ALWAYS gets EVERYTHING! Its just not bloody fair anymore.

I try to make a conversation, and what does she do?? She freakin goes and starts talking about how close they are! Ok yeah sure I said that I'm over him and I'm ok talking about him...but I didn't expect people to be so damn dumb! For people to actually have believed me is preposterous! CRAZY! INSANE!

Why in the name of Merlin would anyone listen to me? HELLO!..I'm the crazy, psychotic, pathetic dumbo!!

Next time I even come close to starting a conversation about you and him...RUN! HIDE! DISTRACT ME!

Amen.

Hmm

What exactly is it about the other gender which intrigues us so much?

Ok. Guys have penises and women have breasts and vaginas
but other than that...we're quite similar
Is it just that physical difference which attracts us to one another?
Or is there something more? Some hidden thing which pulls us towards one another.

While women are certainly no strangers to faking it - we've faked our hair color, cup size, hell, we've even faked fur. I couldn't help but wonder, has fear of being alone suddenly raised the bar on faking? Are we faking more then orgasms? Are we faking entire relationships? Is it better to fake it then be alone?

-[Sex and the City]

Why do we let the one thing we don't have affect how we feel about all the things we do have? Why does one-minus-a-plus-one feel like it adds up to zero?

-[Sex and the City]

Why is it that Sex and the City actually makes me feel good about myself?

Despite the fact that there are over two billion people on the planet, there are times you still feel shipwrecked and alone. Times even the most resourceful survivor would feel the need to put a message in a bottle, or on an answering machine.

“Are there some women put in the world just to make you feel bad about yourself?”

I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss - the perfect parent - or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got.

All women really want is to be rescued.

That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore.

You shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it.

I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less.





I've been dating since I was 15! WHERE IS HE? [This reminds me of someone I know ;)]

When the truth finally hits you, it's like a ton of bricks falling on a bird. Crushing, painful, and sad.

DH SPOILERS!

Ok, I will most likely get shouted at for this...but I really need to do this rant. For me the most disappointing thing about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was, I dunno...LIKE TWO THIRDS OF IT. There were so many things about the book, that were either incredibly dumb, or just flat-out boring. THE ENTIRE MIDDLE PORTION of the book, where they're just disapparating out of places and travelling the country doing nothing, almost put me to sleep, until JK seemed to realise that these parts were boring as hell, and randomly inserted two chapters "Bathilda's secret" and "Malfoy Manor" in an obvious attempt to keep her readers' interest, cause they're the only times when there's action. The action comes from out of nowhere (a woman turning into nagini?? come on). The ending was incredibly long and drawn-out, and interrupted with chapters that seemed completely out of place (a)The war's about to resume, but excuse me while I stick my head in a sink and go over some memories, and b) lets go to a train station and talk to dumbledore, and i'll come back to life to finish off voldemorrt when I feel like it) The final confrontation was overly dramatic. The whole 7th book cover gave the idea that Harry was alone in facing Voldemort, but in the end, when he does, they are surrounded by people who are watching it like they would watch a soccer/hockey game. What the hell? And the aftermath of the fight should not have been celebratory, (yay, Voldemorts dead, lets party!) it should have been emotional for Harry, with the realisation that it was all over, with some self-reflection. But the biggest problem with the book was that, without hogwarts as a sort of boundary to contain the plot, the story was completely all over the place and a real mess, with everything happening randomly and without explanantion (this is shown perfectly in the chapter "Magic is might", when JK spends exactly one sentence explaining how "over the past month, Harry et. al had been planning an infiltration of the ministry) The plot was overly complicated and random (lets go to the MOM, lets go to see Lovegood, lets go to Godrics Hollow, lets go to Gringotts, lets go to Bill's cottage, and on and on) In fact this confusion pretty much summed itself up when JK introduced the whole concept of the Hallows. While Harry was searching for the horcruxes, then spent like 5 chapters in limbo DOING NOTHING, because Ron and Hermione wanted to find horcruxes, and harry wanted to find hallows, and as a result...NOTHING HAPPENED during these sequences...
So, in conclusion, suffice it to say that I was incredibly disappointed in the book.

I'm not an HP or a JK basher, I love Harry Potter, perhaps too much, cause it seems I clearly expected too much from the book, and I really wanted a great ending from the series.

=[

I absolutely hate the idea of spoilers. It infuriates me that people would sabotage the happiness of others. Who the heck do they think they are? I mean people get serious. If you have no life and no love, why take that out on someone who simply wants to enjoy a great piece of literature.

Yawn!

Am I weird because I've moved past the stage where all I can think about is boys? I fail to understand why the opposing gender is so interesting. Why go through all that trouble just to get noticed or start a relationship that will eventually end?
I personally feel that there is more to life than obsessing over a person. Sure, I like guys, but I don't think I'd go to the extreme of thinking and talking about them 24/7. (At least not anymore ;) ) Don't people have more interesting things to talk about? Doesn't it get boring talking about guys/girls all day? I get tired even thinking about them.
Meh. Maybe its just me. Perhaps I've had enough of the status quo. I need some change in my life.

Excuses Excuses Excuses

Ever run out of excuses for school or work? Well read on to find sme splendid excuses:

-Excuse my daughter for being absent for three weeks. She's going to have a baby
-I did my homework, but I just forgot to write it down!
-Student: " Miss! Would you punish someone for something they didn't do?"
-I'm going through puberty!
-Please excuse shyann from gym today she was watching t.v. yestuday and strained her eyes so now she can't focus well.
-"I have anal glaucoma-- I don't see my ass coming to class today."
-I can't go to school today because I irritated my aunt.
-Please excuse my tardiness, My Mother took Drugs while she was pregnant with me.
-My underwear was too tight, it was cutting off the circulation to my brain!
-Please excuse Samantha from swimming today because of her plumbing problems.
-Sorry I was late; the bell rang before I got here.
-I'm sorry Tyler can't go to school today because his hormones are raging.
-Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

-It is against my religion to work on Mondays and Wednesdays.
-I have amnesia, who r u? .........work?..............I work?
-I'm just about to reach enlightenment, so I cant possibly come to work because it will disturb my practices.
-I'm sorry but my eyes are just in bad shape right now. I just cant see myself going into work today.
-I can't come into work today, I have anal glacoma. What? I can't see my butt coming into work!!!
-I'll be late for work today becuase I was on my way to the car, and see it was hot out so I decided I needed to take a break.
-My arm is too tired to shift, so I can't drive to work today
-I won't be able to come into work today because i have to visit my sister in hospital, she had an epileptic seizure as she was holding her baby, threw the baby in front of her which i caught, she then jumped through one of my stained glass windows and landed in my fish pond killing the koi carp. Sorry.
-I just called to say I couldn't make it to work today. My computer has a virus and I have been up all night cleaning up after and tending to it.
-I'll be out today because I got stuck in traffic on the Parkway and I was overcome by the fumes and had to go home
-I cant come to work tomorrow its messing up my social life
-I can't come in to work. I don't have enough money.
-I only missed the one day but [fill in another persons name ] missed four days in a row and you didn't say anything to them!
-Oh, you mean it's Next' Monday I have off!! (Note: must be said with an incredulous expression)
-I couldn't find a spot to park (Note: This is often true at my workplace!)
-I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
-I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
-Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
-When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
-There's a Gilligan's Island marathon coming on TV, and I have to go home and set my VCR.
-I really wanted to come to work this morning, but physical circumstances wouldn't allow it.
I just wanted to see if you could get along without me, so you would know how valuable I am to you.
-I'm going to need to take a couple of day off Thursday and Friday, because the city said I have to clean up my back yard before Monday or I'm going to get a big fine!
-I won't be in to work today. My wife said she is going to conceive today, and I want to be there when it happens.
-Please excuse Henry for being late. He was stuck in the bathroom without any toilet paper.
-I'll be out today or late, I woke up dizzy (I suffer from vertigo).

And one of my favorites: I am sick with the Lack. Lack of ambition. As well as: My husband had a vasectomy yesterday and his balls are enlarged, so I need to stay home and help him ice them.

-I'm not going to work today, I spent my paycheck on lottery tickets, and I'm out of Gas 'till payday.

B-O-R-E-D bored was her name-o

OK. Considering that I am extremely bored and really tired of hearing my neighbors yell, I decided to google the keyword "bored." As some of you may know, there is a site called www.bored.com
I found it highly amusing. Especially its Vitual Online Insult Generator.
Here are some of the insults I got thrown my way:

Yo momma's so poor she married young just to get the rice
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
If Moses had seen your face, there would have been another commandment.
Yo momma's so dumb she thought the TV guide was directions to get to the television.
Yo momma's so dumb she thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico.
Yo momma's so poor I went into her house and saw a bunch of cockroaches sittin around the toilet singin We are family.
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
You are so dumb, your fingers and toes are numbered.
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Yo momma's so old she went to an antiques auction and three people bid on her
Shock me, say something intelligent.
You look like you just escaped from planet of the apes.
I'll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy!
You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes.
We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone.
I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.

Oh dear! I hope no one reading this gets offended by Yo Mamma jokes.

Just to get into Capital Ex!

Gate Admission
Adults/Senior 13 yrs+ $10 at the gate
Youth 7-12 yrs $5 at the gate
Children six and under FREE
Senior's Day 60 yrs+ $5

Is anyone else a bit miffed by these prices? I mean, why spend $10 just to get into the damn place? Surely the grounds aren't sacred or anything.
Hmph! Damn people ripping us off. And to think we actually take this shit. I say we revolt and not pay!

Damn bloody people!

Sacrifices are an every day occurance. It's something all of us have dealt with and will continue to deal with. But it still doesn't make it easier to endure.

If Only.

It upsets me immensely when I need to suck up my pride and pretend like nothings wrong. When I have to act as if what was said or done did not hurt me or affect me in any way. What I fail to understand is the measures people will take to hurt others. A simple look of disgust can cause way much more harm than a verbal accusation. Yet, this fact seems to fly by people and they keep on doing it.
Has the world come to such that there is no such thing as humanity anymore. Do we not know how to control our emotions and let bygones be bygones. Sure, it's a basic human act to want to express ourselves and to lash out when we feel physically or emotionally threatened, but is it so hard to forgive those who do that? We all know that such things happen, so why not brush it off instead of wanting to get back at that person.

"So and so said this to me so I'm going to do this."

We've all been taught to act our age and not our shoe size, howevever, most times our shoe sizes seem to get the better of us. Personally, I'm glad that I have big feet. 10 appears to be a better age to act than the normal 6 or 7.

Another thing I'd like to point out: humour.
We all know how well it works as a stress-reliever, yet many fail to use it.

Alas, if all else fails, just smile and nod and accept things the way it is. Not much we can do is there? The world will not cease to exist if a few of us disagree with the status-quo. Unfortunate as that may be.

Mesmerize Me

Wow. I haven't written in such a long time. I've been going through quite an emotional rollercoaster lately.
The bitchy-ness I've made my mother endure. Ignoring many of my friends. Not paying as much importance to the people who've always been there for me. And worst of all, talking to people who shouldn't be in my life.
Know what I want right now? I want a whole different life.

Big city. Fast-paced. Awesome job. Great guy. Restaurant dinners.
Does anyone else ever wish for that kind of life? The Grand Life. The one where everything is perfect, and the problems which do occur can be resolved within seconds by wonderful friends.

If not that, I want a great guy. And a best friend. I know I have best friends right now. But I want the best friend I had before. The one I took advantage of. I knew how important she was to me, yet I always believed that she would be there...forever. I need to get over the past and move on, but this is one thing I regret immensely and I know that there will always be a void in my heart and my life which can only be filled by her.

I want to dance. To laugh. To scream. To run. To jump. But most of all...I want to feel.

Don't you hate it when, after days, weeks, months, years of thinking that you've left the past behind, thinking that you've started over, thinking that things are better, when all that comes and bites you right in the ass. Don't you feel like turning around and slapping that thing...that small, tiny thing which triggered your memory. I've always learned that those who forget their past are condemned to repeat it. So I try my hardest to remember, to never let go. Yet there's always one little detail i've forgetton. One tiny memory which was still buried deep inside my mind. And that memory comes back. Only this time, its not in your head. This time, that long lost memory becomes reality. You're forced to live it out again. And once that happens, everything gets repeated. And that thing you learned...to never forget, that becomes a lie. Because no matter how hard you try, the past is always repeated. Everything becomes a lie. All that you've worked so hard for. All that you believed in. It all breaks and your left with a simple truth: there is and never was any point in trying.
So, for all you people out there trying your damn hardest to start over and make things good, give up. When life hands you lemons, accept the fact that your life is going to be sour until you get some bloody sweet strawberries.

Unusual Court Sentences...

Today's Dr. Phil was about a judge-Judge Michael A. Cicconetti
He is known for his unusual sentences. Some are...


-He has ordered a man who hollered "pigs" to police officers to stand on a street corner next to a 350-pound pig with a sign that read, "This is not a police officer."

-After an 18-year-old man stole some porn from an adult bookstore, the judge ordered him to sit outside the shop in a chair, wearing a blindfold, and holding a sign saying "See No Evil" so that passing traffic could see him.

-Cicconetti punished a group of high school students who vandalized school buses by making them throw a picnic for a group of grade-school students whose outing was canceled because of the stunt.

-A nanny accused of hitting a little boy with a belt was given a folder of articles on the consequences of child abuse, and compelled to read them all, and then discuss them in the courtroom in front of the judge and the victim's mother, as spectators looked on. Afterward, the mother agreed to no jail time for the nanny.

Sometimes you just to have to let go.
No matter how hard it is.
Because when you do,
you actually have the chance to look around you
&&. realize that you can find someone better.
There's a reason the people in our past aren't in our future
&&. everything really is up to fate.
Yeah, there's memories
&&. thinking about them will always hurt but you've gotta realize they're only memories now.
Sometimes you have to accept the fact that it's just not going to happen.
Let it go &&.
you'll see that things aren't as bad as you think they are
&&. that you can live without that certain someone.
Let go &&.
you'll find there are other people who really want to love you &&. care for you.
You just have to let them.

My Celebrity Look-alikes

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

I wish I were a Princess...

...With my Beautiful Castle...

And Let's not Forget...

.... Prince Charming...

ugh

Kay.
So you know how when you lose something...how you feel sooo empty and blah?
Well thats exactly how I feel right now
:(

Kevin Lowe.
I hope you feel very very bad!
You better regret what you did.
You suck.
And I hope you suffer...A LOT.
:)

I'm watching the game right now and every time they get near the net I start looking for Smyth, hoping he'll be near the net...just waiting to get a shot in.

SMYTH<333

Ok.

So.

That was the GAYEST trade ever!

Like who the fuck is stupid enough to give up Ryan Smyth?

Its because of him that we're where we are. He's made the Oilers so much better. The goals, the assists. Everything.

He was a great supporter and had a great hand in inspiring other players to do their best. I'm sure every single Oilers fan agrees with me when I say that getting rid of Smyth was BULL!

Do you actually think we can get better than that?

Kevin Lowe...Go Die!

2 more damn Forwards when what we really need is DEFENCE! Ugh!

Hhhmm
Apparently I'm a horrible person.
Me and her have been friends since kindergarten
Yet she's never told me a thing about herself
but still...she expects me to tell her everything
that has to do with me.
Fair much?

Her and some other girl barely talk.
They aren't even close.
Still, the second the other girl says a word,
she and the rest of the world
start wagging their tails
hoping she might smile or say something.

Infact.
Its always been like that.
The more I care.
The more I become the bad guy.
If I let go and try to leave them alone.
I'm still the bad person.
Nothing ever goes my way eh?

People say that I'm being selfish.
That I don't care about anything.
Is it a sin now to try to look for my own hapiness?
Is it really that bad if I don't want to let others pull me down?
I'm only doing whats best for me.
I got tired of being sad all the time.

Now.
Its all about me.
Screw all of you!
If you have a problem with me showing some concern
when I feel there's something wrong,
then fine.
I wont care.
If you expect me to beg you to talk to me,
you better think again.
Cause I'm not going to do anything of the sort.

You don't want to talk to me...
then don't expect me to.
I'm done with all of you.
If you call that bitchy...
Then yes.
I'm a bitch.
Happy?

Barack Obama

Barack Obama-Canididate for the 2008 President Elections

Obama announced on February 11 his intentions of running for President. His views and beliefs really got to me. His speech was spectacular. I admit that it is the job of a candiadate to present its audience with the most persausive speech, yet the one told by Obama seemed heartfelt. His passion in making America a better nation, both the political and social aspects of American life. Perhaps he can be the new Reagan that America and the world greatly need.

Barack Obama graduated from Harvard Law and is currently the Illinios state Senate. His focus is promoting economic growth and bringing good paying jobs to Illinois.

After reading his speech and following up with his recent activities, I was touched by his sincerety. He appears to be a honest guy who actually wants the best for Americans and the world.

However, I know that a guy like him will not survive the political aspect of this world. BUt we can still hope can't we?

Wow! I haven't written in my blog in so long.
I don't even know what to write. Every time I do post something, I tend to delete it ASAP. So, for all those who read my blog (not very many, if any) I'm sorry.

Opz &Philly

Quote:
٭ alicia. says:but shes so paadi that from your msn she comes onto mine AHAHAH
¤Alishah¤ -- [che farò senza te]--[Oilers!] Awesome game boys 3-1 says :LMFAOOO
¤Alishah¤ -- [che farò senza te]--[Oilers!] Awesome game boys 3-1 says :HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Quote:
¤Alishah¤ -- [che farò senza te]-- baby you got me twistedd says:u can be my shahzad and i'll be ur shehzad ...

Quote:
-Me and Alicia talking on the phone-
alicia's bro: who you tlaking to?
alicia: MOVAR
bro: omg MOVAR
-alicia's bro hangs up-
-alicia calls me back-
me: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
alicia: hello??

Quote:
٭ alicia. says:but they speak like extra extra fast!
¤Alishah¤ -- [che farò senza te]-- ..oh the chemistry between us could destroy this place.. says:exactly! they need to speak turtle
alicia. says:not cheetah
alicia. says:AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Quote:
٭ alicia. says:how do you say hello in arabic??
¤Alishah¤ -- [che farò senza te]-- ..oh the chemistry between us could destroy this place.. says:um....ya ali

Quote:
٭ alicia. says:(8)Girl Im feelin so alone by myself in this big home, wishin you were here with me, decided to try my luck, by callin you up, hopin you can take me up out this misery, As time passed me by, I'm askin myself why, am i lyin by myself, this ain't good for my health, which all the more reasons that you should be, right here baby, right now baby, (8)
¤Alishah¤ -- [che farò senza te]-- ..oh the chemistry between us could destroy this place.. says:i want him to say that to me
alicia. says:k pretend that was him syaing that

Quote:
¤Alishah¤ -- [che farò senza te]-- ..oh the chemistry between us could destroy this place.. says:"philly misses you balu!" "balu misses philly toooo"
٭ alicia. says:HEY you stole that fromm ME :@
¤Alishah¤ -- [che farò senza te]-- ..oh the chemistry between us could destroy this place.. says:IT INSPIRED ME ٭
alicia. says:HEY YOU STOLE THAT FROM ME TOO
¤Alishah¤ -- [che farò senza te]-- ..oh the chemistry between us could destroy this place.. says:IT DOUBLE INSPIRED ME KAY٭
alicia. says:you inspire me too k..."whats that supposed to mean?" "i dunno you tell me"...and also..20 questions!

Quote:
٭ alicia. says:"whats your fave saying? allah akbar or suban allah?"

Quote:
٭ alicia. says:haha hes a partime LCB

Quote:
¤lisha¤ -- [che farò senza te]-- boy, you take my breath away says:shes so paadi that i can feel an earthqueake every time she gets up

Quote:
-me talking to my aunt about her chicken (cuckrow)-
alicia and me: CUCKROW AHAHAHAHAHA

Quote:
-me and alicia walking-
alicia: hey dad! look i found a friend!
-points to me-
alicia's dad: mm mm
-we keep on walking-
alicia: look momm i found a friend!
-points to me-
alicia's mom: good
me: AHAHAH

Quote:
-me and opz talking while watching passions-
opz: i wanna know who the cake person is!
philly: youll find out sooon..at like 330ish
opz: my dad thinks its jt
philly: your dad watches it?AHAHAHAHA
opz: HEY DONT MAKE FUN OK

Quote:
-me and alicia fighting over opz and philly-
me: i wanna be opz!
alicia: noo you wanted to give out advice
me: but now i wanna be rich and karo!
alicia: ok fine you cna be montel
me and alicia: AHAHAHAHHAHAHA
me: MONTUUUUUUUUU
alicia: HAHAHA

Quote:
-opz and philly standing. philly talking to jenna-
jenna: omg my phones ringing!
-pulls her phone out and starts checking it
-philly: umm k im gonna go
-2 mins later-
philly: umm yea bye

Quote:
-during bandagi-
-I went to the bathroom
me while i was around the corner: alicia??
alicia: whattt?
-i come around the corner and sit-
alicia: why were you calling my name?
me: cuz i didnt know if you were there still..its dark!

Quote:
-me and alicia sitting on the bench laughing about chotli-
-chotu walks by-
me and alicia: AHAHAHA..CHOTLIIII
-chotu walks by again-
opz n philly: HAHAHAH*chotli(x2)*

Quote:
-just sitting there and someone makes an announcement-
me: OMG CHOTU!
opz: CHOTLI AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Quote:
-me and alicia sitting on the chairs in khane..an old lady comes. stands there. starts eating her peanuts-
me and alicia: AHAHAHAHA
-old lady goes over to roohee and alyssa. stands there. eats her peanutsagain-
me and alicia: AHAHAHAHAHA
me: bichari! she's probably lonely kayy! dont laugh!

Quote:
alicia: omg alishah look!! rupunzel!
me: omg! where where????
-starts looking around everywhere-
-finally see her. rupunzel walks by and i give her a huge smile-
alicia:HAHAHAHAHA

Quote:
٭ alicia. says: so tell me how you feel..are you forreal...
x A l i s h a h x -- [Oilers] says: hansa puri nagari maye manda vo racha yo

Quote:
x A l i s h a h x -- says:"shah jo deedar."alicia: HAHAHAHAHAHA٭
alicia. philly's getting stalked by MY stalker says:LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Quote:
٭ alicia. says:NO ITS MY SONG NOW
٭ alicia. says:CUZ IT MAKES SENSE FOR ME OK
x A l i s h a h x -- [Oilers!] I miss the times that we almost shared,I miss the love that was almost there says:NOOOOOITS MINEEE
x A l i s h a h x -- [Oilers!] I miss the times that we almost shared,I miss the love that was almost there says:it makes sense for meee more thann uuuu
٭ alicia. says:NO it doesnt!٭
alicia. says:how does it make more sense for youu?!
x A l i s h a h x -- [Oilers!] I miss the times that we almost shared,I miss the love that was almost there says:becuzzzz it justtt doessss
٭ alicia. says:NO IT DOESNT OK٭
alicia. says:MY SONG MY SONG MY SONG
x A l i s h a h x -- [Oilers!] opz! its my song!!! says:MINE MINE MINEEEE
٭ alicia. buddie its my song..i found it first ok. go get your own song philly says:LMFAO٭
alicia. buddie its my song..i found it first ok. go get your own song philly says:NO WAY
٭ alicia. buddie its my song..i found it first ok. go get your own song philly says:I FOUND IT FIRST٭
alicia. buddie its my song..i found it first ok. go get your own song philly says:GO FIND YOUR OWN SONG
x A l i s h a h x -- [Oilers!] dont argue with me opz! its mine! it goes with me perfectlyyy... says:THAT IS MY SONG
x A l i s h a h x -- [Oilers!] dont argue with me opz! its mine! it goes with me perfectlyyy... says:IF THIS WERE NEX I'D BE ALL :CUSSING:
x A l i s h a h x -- [Oilers!] dont argue with me opz! its mine! it goes with me perfectlyyy... says:LMFAO

Quote:
٭ alicia. buddie its my song..i found it first ok. go get your own song philly says:Pookie's pants are always falling off

Quote:
x A l i s h a h x -- chotli maker? lmfao! haha..dipper pookie! i rmr the convos LOL. ugh! my nex isnt workin=[ says:omggggg
x A l i s h a h x -- chotli maker? lmfao! haha..dipper pookie! i rmr the convos LOL. ugh! my nex isnt workin=[ says:I JUST OPENED MY MOUTH AND I SAW STEAM COMING OUT
alicia. pookie is a dipper remember. he even told me. HAHA whatta chotli maker man says:UHH WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU٭
alicia. pookie is a dipper remember. he even told me. HAHA whatta chotli maker man says:WHY DO YOU HAVE STEAM COMING OUTTA YOUR MONTH "
x A l i s h a h x -- chotli maker? lmfao! haha..dipper pookie! i rmr the convos LOL. ugh! my nex isnt workin=[ says:I DONT KNOWCUZ...IM HOT
x A l i s h a h x -- chotli maker? lmfao! haha..dipper pookie! i rmr the convos LOL. ugh! my nex isnt workin=[ says:LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
x A l i s h a h x -- chotli maker? lmfao! haha..dipper pookie! i rmr the convos LOL. ugh! my nex isnt workin=[ says:HAHAHAHAHA٭
alicia. chotli maker. his profession. i miss him too much! mines not working either ok says:LMFAOOOOOOOO

Quote:
٭ alicia. pookies coming back too. ok. says:boyz are stupid
x A l i s h a h x -- why? where did pookie go? why does ur guy get a better name?jeez!ur being unfair again.stupid kari! says:i agree 10O%! hfgffrdgvgfgvh lets kill them alll
alicia. you wanted to name him pookie. umm he went..to his house HAHA says:AHAHAH٭
alicia. you wanted to name him pookie. umm he went..to his house HAHA says:k ssuuuuuuree٭
alicia. you wanted to name him pookie. umm he went..to his house HAHA says:1-2-3 KILL!
x A l i s h a h x -- no! we just needed a name for him and that was the only thing i could think of. haha. ur such a loser says:HE WONT DIE LIKE THAT HES STRONG N BIG
x A l i s h a h x -- no! we just needed a name for him and that was the only thing i could think of. haha. ur such a loser says:AND TALL
٭ alicia. you wanted to name him pookie. umm he went..to his house HAHA says:AIM HIGH
alicia. you wanted to name him pookie. umm he went..to his house HAHA says:ahaah dont ask me where that came from٭
alicia. you wanted to name him pookie. umm he went..to his house HAHA says:LMFAO

Quote:
x A l i s h a h x-goodnight opz =( says:STUPID BOYS ٭
alicia. night philly says:dfjkdsjfs
٭ alicia. night philly says:IKNOW٭
alicia. night philly says:AIM HIGH٭
alicia. night philly says:IS OUR MOTTO
٭ alicia. night philly says:AAHHAHHHAHAHA
x A l i s h a h x-feels like goodbye says:LMFAOOOOO

Quote:
٭ alicia. HAHA loser. just like you made a rhyme says:OMG WE'RE TOO GAAAAAYY
x A l i s h a h x-u liked the rhyme! ahah we should quote the rhyme n song. too bad i forgot it lmfao says::speak for urself..
x A l i s h a h x-u liked the rhyme! ahah we should quote the rhyme n song. too bad i forgot it lmfao says:IM STRAIGHT
alicia. loved it k. i forgot it too says:SHUTUP٭
alicia. loved it k. i forgot it too says:I STRAIGHT TOO K٭
alicia. loved it k. i forgot it too says:POOKIEEEEEEEEEE <33
x A l i s h a h x-u liked the rhyme! ahah we should quote the rhyme n song. too bad i forgot it lmfao says:pookie is a girl
x A l i s h a h x-u liked the rhyme! ahah we should quote the rhyme n song. too bad i forgot it lmfao says:got a sex change when u decided to change ur sexual preference
x A l i s h a h x-u liked the rhyme! ahah we should quote the rhyme n song. too bad i forgot it lmfao says:LMFAOOO
٭ alicia. loved it k. i forgot it too says:LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO٭
alicia. loved it k. i forgot it too says:im a girl hes a boy٭ alicia. loved it k. i forgot it too says:WERE PERFECT <3٭
alicia. loved it k. i forgot it too says:lmfao k im too weird٭
alicia. loved it k. i forgot it too says:ignore i said that HHAH

Quote:
x A l i s h a h x - -[Oilers!] so tired of tryin said:the LC are all funnnyyy
x A l i s h a h x - -[Oilers!] so tired of tryin said:they make my life at school soo interestinn٭
alicia. says:haha i know ehh
٭ alicia. says:thnk allah for giving us these wonderful ppl. AMEN

Quote:
"do u say dua?"
roohee: yeah she does
you: um no. someone told me that i sound like a dying person so i dont say it anymore"

Quote:
٭ alicia. says:seems like something ME AND YOU would do
x A l i s h a h x says:LMFAO
x A l i s h a h x says:nono
x A l i s h a h x says:something opz n philly would do
x A l i s h a h x says:LOL٭
alicia. says:HAHA thats true!٭
alicia. says:bismillah٭
alicia. says:LMFAOO
x A l i s h a h x says:alhamudulilla
٭ alicia. says:wa antum tallamun
٭ alicia. says:AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHJKFSHFJKS
x A l i s h a h x says:LMFAOOOOO
x A l i s h a h x says:AND GIVE US OUR BREAD
x A l i s h a h x says:OMG IM QUOTING
٭ alicia. says:LMFAOOOOOOO٭
alicia. says:YAYAYAYAY
٭ alicia. says:omg rememebr we asked paadi what that meant AHAHAHAHA
x A l i s h a h x says:HAHAHA AND SHE SAID SOMETHING TOTALY DDIFF
٭ alicia. says:LMFAOOOOOOOO٭
alicia. says:AND ME AND YOU WERE LIKE UUMM NVM
٭ alicia. says:AHAHAHAH٭
alicia. says:EDBTZ٭
alicia. says:remember what that means

Quote:
opz old someone turns around
doreen: "OMG LOOK!"
-points and laughs like an idiot-
alicia: thats opz old someone
alishah and doreen: HAHAHAHA
-10minutes later-
alishah: HAHAHAHAHA
alicia: UR STILL LAUGHING??

Quote:
x A l i s h a h x i think movar said he had a spare next sem block 3 lucky bastard! says:omg! i was thinkin bout this when i was doin the other quote...
x A l i s h a h x i think movar said he had a spare next sem block 3 lucky bastard! says:dun u think its weird that i comment myself?
x A l i s h a h x i think movar said he had a spare next sem block 3 lucky bastard! says:LMFAO
٭ alicia. wow lucky. i always see him walk by my class 3rd on day As says:AHAHAHA٭
alicia. wow lucky. i always see him walk by my class 3rd on day As says:QUOOTEEE
x A l i s h a h x i think movar said he had a spare next sem block 3 lucky bastard! says:quote what?
x A l i s h a h x i think movar said he had a spare next sem block 3 lucky bastard! says:quote the quote that i juss said?
٭ alicia. wow lucky. i always see him walk by my class 3rd on day As says:wtf
x A l i s h a h x i think movar said he had a spare next sem block 3 lucky bastard! says:well no waitit would be..quote what i just quoted myself
x A l i s h a h x i think movar said he had a spare next sem block 3 lucky bastard! says::sx A l i s h a h x i think movar said he had a spare next sem block 3 lucky bastard! says:wth?? IM NOT MAKNG SENSE
٭ alicia. wow lucky. i always see him walk by my class 3rd on day As says:k buddie im cofnused٭
alicia. wow lucky. i always see him walk by my class 3rd on day As says:AHAHA
x A l i s h a h x i think movar said he had a spare next sem block 3 lucky bastard! says:ME TOOOO٭
alicia. wow lucky. i always see him walk by my class 3rd on day As says:k well imma just not quote anything
x A l i s h a h x i think movar said he had a spare next sem block 3 lucky bastard! says:huh? what were u gunna quote?
٭ alicia. wow lucky. i always see him walk by my class 3rd on day As says:I DUNNNNOO
x A l i s h a h x i think movar said he had a spare next sem block 3 lucky bastard! says:WTH?
x A l i s h a h x i think movar said he had a spare next sem block 3 lucky bastard! says:THIS IS THE WEIRDEST CONVO EVER٭
alicia. stalker it is HAHA. he has english when i have english too says:IT IS٭
alicia. stalker it is HAHA. he has english when i have english too says:WOW

Quote:
-opz and philly on the phone-
philly: bad boys bad boys whatcha gonna dooo whatcha gonna do when they come for youu
opz: AHAHHAHAHAHHHH

Quote:
philly: he has like army everything maannnits crazzzyyopz: HAHA I KNOW. does he have an army shirt too? probably HAHA
philly:LMAOimma buy him onethe whole package manimma even find an army girl for him
opz:HHAHAHA an army girl LMFAOOO
"yes sir" LMFAOO

Quote:
-philly calls opz during commercial-
opz: hello??
pholly: omg...hes stripinngg....such a goood dancer"
oppz: "whhatt?? ooohh hahaha!!"
-opz n philly stay on the phone until one tree hill ended"

THEN I GOT HIGHHHHHH

Quote:
LAM-FAY-YO(lmfao)
YOPU
HEHEHEHEHEHE

Quote:
philly: if i ever have a dog im gonna name it YOPUU
-2 secs later-
philly: YOPUUUUUUUUU
opz: woof woof woof woof
philly: HAHAHHAAAH

Quote:
philly: omg did u just bark??
opz: hahaha yeaahhh
philly: omg!!!
opz: ahah im quoting
philly: hahahahaha ookkkkk i go check afterrrr
-2min later-
opz: how do u spell woof woof?

Quote:
٭ alicia. yep goodtimes. tmrw during oc some more good times yeaaa says:IF WE WER ON THE PHONE STILL ID BE LIKE HOWLING AHAHAHAHAHA
x A l i s h a h x hehehehehe the OC is nvr that funny tho! no stripping says:we'd be LAMFAYOING
٭ alicia. yep goodtimes. tmrw during oc some more good times yeaaa says:LAMFAYOING LIKE WOLVES٭ alicia. yep goodtimes. tmrw during oc some more good times yeaaa says:WOOF WOOF
x A l i s h a h x hehehehehe the OC is nvr that funny tho! no stripping says:THATS A DOG U IDIOT
x A l i s h a h x hehehehehe the OC is nvr that funny tho! no stripping says:LAMFAYO

Quote:
' alicia. i wave to philly. says:hi
x A l i s h a h x PHILY WAVES BACK TO OPZ!!! says:HI'
alicia. i wave to philly. says:HEY'
alicia. HEEEEEEEHH says:hi
x A l i s h a h x LAMFAYOOOOOOOOOO says:hows it goinnnnn'
alicia. HEEEEEEEHH says:hi not too much and you?
x A l i s h a h x UR SO WEIRDDD says:STOP BEING SOOO FORMAL
x A l i s h a h x UR SO WEIRDDD says:same same'
alicia. YOU ARE TOO OK says:I am not. Who says I am being formal? This is how I talk. If you do not like, then get out please and thank you.
x A l i s h a h x only becuase...I GOT HIGH says:Sir, I apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused you. Please accept my apology.
' alicia. IM TOO SEXXXYY FOR THIS SONG says:I cannot accept your apology. I am sorry. Is there anything else I can do?
x A l i s h a h x yeah yeah??? WELL...IM TOO SEXY FOR YOPUU says:No Sir. Would you like fries with that Sir?'
alicia. IM TOO SEXXXYY FOR THIS SONG says:Excuse me, I am a ma'am, not a sir. Yes, I'd like some fries with that please.
x A l i s h a h x yeah yeah??? WELL...IM TOO SEXY FOR YOPUU says:My apologies ma'am. Fries? What kind?? Hot and spicy? Or long and hard?
' alicia. i cold. yz where are your gloves says:Hot and spicy. Yum.
x A l i s h a h x yz is mine ok! find ur own man!! says:YOU NEED TO BE FORMAL MAN'
alicia. i cold. yz where are your g*** says:I am sorry. Accept my apology.
x A l i s h a h x yz is mine ok! find ur own man!! says:No sir! I shall take you to court'
alicia. i have found my own. <3 says:It is haram if you take me to court.
x A l i s h a h x whooooo?? darkk?? tarzan?? someone from the LCB?LOL says:It is haram for you to try to act A****.'
alicia. movar all the way says:It is not haram if I am truly A***. I was born and bred in the beautiful P*******e.

Quote:
' alicia. says:YAY SOON MY MOMMYS GONNA BRING ME MICKEYS ' alicia. says:HEHHEHEHEHEH
x A l i s h a h x says:i;'ve had no fooood
i is starving
i is waiting for mummy to come home
but then i wont be able to go online
so i is confused

Quote:
-opz and philly inside khane-
opz: wait guys!
-opz starts stuffing her face with sukrit--
-philly gets her sukrit--
philly: omg wait!
-philly stuffs her face as well-
opz: hahahaha we were having a sukrit race

Quote:
-opz and philly inside khane again. announcements start-
chotli: KAMOSH
opz: OMG KAMOSH!
philly and opz: AHAHAHAH

Quote:
philly: "No matter how ugly you think you are
or how everyone else around you has
it better than you;
there's always going to be one special guy
that loves you because you're not like everyone else"
wheres my special guy? :(
opz: aaaaaawww hes somewhere ok
hes..hiding in my closet LMFAO

HAHA

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper,and I get how Rock can beat
Scissors,but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock.Paper is supposed to
magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile?Why the hell can't paper do this
to scissors?Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people?Why aren't sheets
of college-ruled notebook paperconstantly suffocating students as they attempt
to take notes in class?I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody,a
rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds.When I play rock/ paper/ scissors I
always choose rock.Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paperI
can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say"oh shit I'm
sorry I thought paper would protect you, asshole."

LMFAO

hjgjhbj

Lately I've been the biggest ass ever. I've been rude and become irritant very easily. I know its not pms cause its waayy too early. I think its all the anger I have due to her (its a new her this time-I really need to start naming these people. Ok so her will be Luchi LOL, the old best friend will be um, Luigi [hahahaha i suck at names], and the new her can be Kuthri).

Ok. So Kuthri has really been bugging me. Every little thing she does. From the way she looks to the way she talks. I'm just finding everything annoying. And it doesn't help that she's so obsessed over her boyfriend. From being around them so much, I can tell he's not a good guy for her. He treats her like a friend, not anything more. And the fact that she puts herself out there for him pisses me off. Me and Kuthri barely do anything together anymore and we hardly talk. We could be walking together without saying a word to each other. It gets awkward for us both because we aren't used to being so quiet around each other.

It's all getting to me and causing me to lash out at others irrationally. I try notto be around her too much but then I start feeling guilty for leaving her.

Fuck!

I'm such a mess right now.

I have the biggest headache and I'm feeling sooo mad. Even chocolate and coffee isn't making me feel better.

=[

I miss her I miss her I miss her!

Its been exactly a year since we last talked. Fuck! A YEAR! Feels like a lifetime ago.
I miss them both actually. I wish they didn't have to leave. This is why I don't get attached to people a lot. I don't want to go through the same thing.

I saw her last month and we both started crying. She looked happy. But she still misses him. I hate him for that. I don't want to fight with him over that again though. It's hard not talking to him.

She I see every day at school though. I'm starting to forget her, but there are still times when I really wish I could talk to her. Things are always so blah.

=[

btw, I might be changing my blog name...well, if I can think of something.

Funny how I want some people so badly, yet I try my hardest for them to hate me. And then I feel bad. I'm such an idiot.
I'm back to missing them and to wanting...
I KNOW! I'm an idiot! But I can't help it! Maybe its because I haven't seen him in so long. Or because she likes him and everyone talks about him so much. Maybe I don't want to move on. Fuck! [If you're reading this, don't let it go to your head!..You're still a dick!]

kuro thio!!!

ok
so
3am...alishah hears a huge bang upstairs
8am...alishah hears another big bang9am...alishah hears banging and screaming
10am...a million phone calls, ppl coming over, ppl crying
-alishah shouts and tells ppl to shut up and let her sleep-
11am...alishah hears someone saying "she died"
11:15...alisha hears everyone leaving and she thinks "shukar now i can sleep"
12:00...shemina calls "im coming over"
12:30ish...kamru and salima come "wheres ma?" me: i have no idea "haya. ok bye"

I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON!!! :omfg:

If someone died, I don't want to know. I can't deal with people crying.

Mr Walia darlinn...aach muji paase

Hai Ram!

Look at my Ramu! Ketlo sexy ai

:(
Mujhi chaddhi wet ai. *blush* Damn! This man is just too hot!

Alishah Jai Walia

*sighh*

Oprah...

I'm watching Oprah right now. It's about High School and the challenges faced by teens in American schools.

WOW! Is all I can say.

I've always known the problems that go on, but actually seeing it is a whole different story. It saddens me how sterotypical we all are. Did you know that in a few years all of us will have kids and will pass it all on to them. They will be going through the same things. The hurt, the teasing, the bullying, ect. If we don't change ourselves, then we will just be condemning the future people to the same thing. Do any of you really want others to go through the same thing you've been through?

I honestly think that we all need to stop judging and look beyond the labels. Looks should not matter.

I know I've judged others. I've felt bad right after I do it, yet I still do. Perhaps to fit in, make others laugh, or just because it seemed to start a conversation.

I suppose what a lot of us don't understand is that even something which we take to be a joke can hurt others. I know that a lot of jokes have hurt me, even if it was done unknowingly.

So for all of you reading this, let's all try to look beyond the physical and get to actually know a person. Every joke, "look," and rude comment puts more pressure on someone. It makes them want to be better and even a tiny setback could put them in a state of utmost depression. What you are right now, is what you'll be for the rest of your life.

BTW, for any of you who can watch Oprah today, please do. It's really good.

Religion should not matter

"The gaurds were Shia and Saddam was Sunni."

Fuck!! Why is it that when thee is a Muslim involved, people immediately bring up religion. You don't hear anyone saying the peron's religion if he is Chritian, Buddhist, Hindu, or anything else. Why can't people see that before being anything else, a person is a human first. The same as you and me. Ignore religion, a person's choices have nothing to do with what they are. Every individual is different. What they do or say depends on their views on things.

So stop judging people based on their religion if you want there to be any ounce of peace in the world.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!!!

2007 is finally here! Leaving behind a year that was full of cries, laughter and everything in between. I remember when everyone was making such a fuss about the millenium, and now here we are 7 years later. These last 7 years were years to remember for me. I became weak, stronger and learnt a lot. I met tons of new friends, but I also lost many. Still, each moment-memory-was something to learn by. I might not have remembered everything, but I do remember that no matter what happens in life, Mowla will always be there.

Thank you Mowlabapa for helping me through the last year and all the years before that.

And thanks to all the rest of the people in my life who were always there.

AM I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so much!

AR you brought laughter in my life that was muchly needed. Love you always!

fuck love

I remember when I used to crave wanting to go back. I thought everything would be alright. Things would be better.
When things became a bit like they were before, I blocked everything out. I wish I never remembered. I wish I didn't care. I was happy. After remembering and going back to all that, it scared me....

Fuck!
I'm a wreck right now. I'm bitching at everyone. I think I might've even lost her. I don't even feel bad. She's being so annoying and only says stuff that I want to hear. She cares too much. I can't have that. Not anymore. It hurts when people care too much. Cause when they leave, both of us will hurt.


I've been worrying about her too much lately. Its stressing me out. I don't want to tell her. I can't even tell her about my stuff.
I hate how overprotective I am of her. I know she'll hurt me again. Always does.


Mother dearest has officially given up on me. Its been a week. No calls...haven't even seen her. Karim said I can't even live with him. And Shemina doesn't want me either. I guess I'm not wanted here or there. Fuck! She always does this! I'm so tired of it! She'll come back. They'll break up and she'll come. My grandma can't say anything and as for me, well, I don't have a choice in the matter.
She honestly thinks that I don't care about any of it. She thinks I've never wanted a father. I have. I want a daddy too. One that'll tuck me in at night and hug me goodnight. One that'll spoil me like crazy but also yell at me when I'm being an idiot. But its too late for all that. She can't expect me to accept her boyfriend. I'm not ready to let another person in. The people I have in my life right now are enough. I'm even tired of some of them.

Fuck!
She worries me so much.
When we were talking, I worried about her. And when we didn't talk, I still worried. I just want her to be happy, but nothing ever seems to work. She's been so distant from everyone. I wouldn't even mind if she talked to other people, but she's not.
Sometimes I feel that if I talked to her like before, made plans for a sleepover or something, then perhaps the old her would come back.

Goddamnit! I hate how I care more about her happiness then my own.
I woke up this morning really happy, but as soon as I went on nex and read people's blog...I felt blah. A and her both seem like there's something wrong. But neither of them ever tell me what it is. I've given up trying to ask them.
Funny how I was so jealous when they were best friends, but now I'd give anything for them to have that again.

:(

So, a friend and I are having a conversation about guys.
Do they really feel things? It seems like females are the only ones who get hurt and feel as deeply about things. And if males do feel the same, then perhaps they cope better.
I wish I knew how their minds worked.

*sigh*

Boy...

When I look into your eyes

I see sumthin’ that money can’t buy

And I know if you give us a try

I’ll work harder for you boy

then you ever had a chance to find

The boyfriend is coming tonight. Went out and bought a ton of chocolate. I'll need as much as I can get. Ugh! Stupid mother!...Major stress factor in my life. Remind me never to have kids. I'll get even more stressed than I do with mummy.

Blogging sucks. There's nothing to write about.

Hhmm, Christmas tomorrow.

What exactly is the point of Christmas? Most people only celebrate it for the presents. You spend money, get gifts you might not even like, then forget all about it until next year.
Joy!

Ack!

I'm so blah today. I miss my chodu!(Sorry for stealing your word lish)

15 days till school!!!

I can't wait!!!

:D

&& its hard to wait around for something that you know might never happenbut its even harder to give up when you know its everything you want

ugh!

Things were finally going good with me and her. We talked...and things kind of seemed like before. And that scared me. I don't want things to be exactly like before. I hate living with that fear that she'll do it again. Perhaps that's why I say things I don't mean. To let her know that things will never be the same. I know she's changed, but that fear hasn't gone away.

Then there's A who is a bit jealous of her because she means so much to me. I think A is scared that she will steal me away from her. (does that even make sense?!? I hate not being able to use names!)

AAAHHHH

I got so much chocolate!! Mummy and I went shopping twice this week...before school. And we bought tons and tons of chocolate. I got her to give her share to me cause her boyfriend is coming and I'm sure she doesn't want to look fat for him. lmfao.

I really need to write in my blog more often. Screw laziness. ahah.

Winter break...sucks!

:(

Kuthro kidanjo! 2 weeks vaste inke neh nara...ghandsaf better miss me.

:P

So confusing!!

AAAHHH!!
Why in the world are guys so confusing???

Does anyone know how to tell if a guy likes you???
Be specific please!! I'm tired of hearing that they flirt and touch you a lot...because I do that with almost every guy so I'm sure guys do that with random girls too.

you only hurt the ones you love

Everyone has secrets, things they are afraid to tell others. As frightening as some may be to share, sometimes you need to. It might hurt the other person, but its better to tell them yourself than to have them find out on their own or through other people.

There is one person in my life who finds it easier to hide stuff from me than to face my anger and hatred. We both know what my reaction will be, but it's their duty to involve me in issues such as this.

I know we'll never have the sort of relationship that others have, but perhaps one day we will. Until then, I need to know that it's ok for me to sort things out for myself....without you. With you, my reason for living becomes jumbled.

just give me some time, I'll adjust to your life

stupid birthdays...

What's so great about birthdays anyway? Its just a day. Nothing special ever happens. You look the same...feel the same.
UGH!
I hate birthdays. Its the stupidest day ever. Even stupider than Valentine's Day.

Been sitting infront of the computer the whole day with not a single phone call. Only 3 people remembered.
The one person I was hoping to hear from hasn't called or emailed. No point in waiting. As usual...this day is the awkwardest.